The Naked Advice

with Model & Writer Liz LaPoint

Steve wrote: “Hey Liz, at the risk of sounding prudish, I don’t understand how to dirty talk. During several lovemaking sessions my wife vaguely requested me to “talk dirty to her”.  And I always have no clue what to say. I have tried things like (please excuse the vulgarity) “beg me to fuck your pussy”, or “how do you like that, bitch”, which seems to be what she was going for. Often she insists that I grunt or moan, but frankly both just make me feel ridiculous, even self conscious. It’s not like I’m not having a great time. Is it abnormal to prefer silent sex and just enjoy the intimacy?”

Liz says: No, you’re not abnormal and neither is she. You both just have different desires, different ways you want to experience sex.

I can relate to both of you, actually. I know what you mean about feeling ridiculous trying things that make your partner happy but make you feel silly. Anyone who watched my YouTube video on my experience dating a guy with multiple kinks and fetishes knows this. But I can relate to your wife too, because I’m also not crazy about “lovemaking”, that slow and “romantic” way of having sex. It just feels sappy and weird to me.

I’m betting what she’s asking for from you is simply more passion. She wants to feel like you can’t wait to have her. She wants you to be more dominant.

I’m guessing (by the fact that you refer to it as “lovemaking” and that you apologized beforehand for the “vulgarity”) that you have absorbed the message from society/parents/religion/etc that there are two types of women: the kind you have “fun” with and the kind you marry. A lot of men were raised to believe “good” girls don’t do certain things like have “dirty” sex. So then these boys grow up to marry the “good” girl and now they’re like, ‘I can’t do that with my wife!’

This is why men in the past regularly had a “proper, classy” wife at home to cook and be moms, and the prostitute/concubine/mistress that they could have all the “dirty” hot sex with. I’m not saying this doesn’t happen nowadays, just that it was more accepted by society as normal back then. Fortunately, society became enlightened (for the most part) and now we understand human sexuality better.

But if this applies to you, please know that enjoying sex and wanting to be “fucked” instead of made love to doesn’t mean she is immoral, and talking dirty to her doesn’t mean you’re disrespecting her (especially because she requested it). You two might need couple’s sex counseling to undo any sex myths or gender stereotypes you’ve absorbed that are inhibiting you.

If this doesn’t apply to you and you really just have more submissive tendencies or something like that, perhaps you two could come to an agreement that is mutually beneficial. For example, 1 night a week you could role-play in a way that brings out your more dominant side and helps you feel less ridiculous talking dirty to her. Have fun with it!

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Dr. Susie Gronski interviewed me for her blog and here it is! Please check it out and subscribe to her blog for great information from the “physiotherapist for your privates”!

Interview with The Naked Advice blogger, Liz LaPoint

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Liz: “What got you interested in exotic dancing? How long have you been doing it?”

Kendall Jade: “I have been dancing for a little over 3 years now! I was going to school at SVSU in 2013, and was working at an apple orchard; they kept scheduling me on hours I had classes, so I quit. One of my friends waitressed at the club and was about to start dancing, so she told me they needed to hire waitresses. A couple weeks later when I turned 18, I applied and was hired on the spot. I was dating a guy in the army who talked me into dancing about a month later because he wanted me to pay for him to visit me when he was able to take leave. Being naive, I listened to him. Come to find out it was due to a guilty conscience from cheating on me, so that was his way of “making himself feel better.” I broke up with him and kept dancing. Weirdest way to become a dancer, I know, but I’m glad it happened.”

Liz: “I heard you landed a radio gig! That’s super cool, what do you discuss? Do you have callers who ask questions?”

KJ: “Yup! I co-host a segment on The Rock Station Z93, every Thursday morning at 7am called “Unqualified Love Advice.” I promote my job a lot on social media, so we have followers send me questions, or people will send their questions to Z93’s profiles. Either way, we gather them up and answer them every week. They all range from questions such as “how do I talk my girlfriend into doing a three-some,” to “my boyfriend cheated on me, what do I do?!” It’s a great time, and the guys I do it with- Matt and Adam- are so much fun to be around.”

Liz: “What’s the biggest myth/misunderstanding about exotic dancers?”

KJ: “I feel like the biggest misconception about dancers is that we “lack self respect.” If anything, it’s given us more respect for ourselves. It teaches us confidence, how to defend ourselves, and that we are in control of our bodies.”

Liz: “You grew up in a small town. How do you think that has influenced you now?”

KJ:I would like to think that growing up in a small town has made me more open to new experiences. My hometown is gorgeous, but staying sheltered is just going to keep me from enjoying life. You kinda get used to seeing the same people or activities going on everyday, I have too many plans for my future to live in the same town all of my life. Maybe one day when I’m settled down I would move back though.”

Liz: “I agree, small towns can be too isolating. What is the biggest pro and biggest con of exotic dancing?”

KJ:The biggest pro of dancing, in my own experience, is the opportunities it has provided for me. Such as: learning pole tricks has given me the body I’ve always dreamed of. Modeling and photoshoot fun, the radio show, and so much more. The biggest con is having to explain to people I’m not a prostitute. I understand the bad stigma, but I believe when somebody asks me about “extras,” it reflects more negatively on who they are as a person, and not my job.”

Liz: “Have you had to deal with any judgment or ostracizing from family or friends?”

KJ: “Yes! Most of my family and friends were very supportive and understanding of my job. The people closest to me know that I would never go down the wrong path with dancing, or the “stereotypes” of drug use and prostitution. I hate to be known as the dancer with “daddy issues,” because unfortunately it’s true in my case. My father stopped talking to me when I told him where I worked. It was very hard at first, I felt like a horrible excuse of a daughter. After a couple weeks I woke up one day and said to myself, and excuse my language, ‘fuck that shit. I was honest with him about what I do, and this is just something I need to deal with.’ I didn’t know him well growing up, and when I ended up living with him in my high school years, we didn’t spend much time truly bonding. I will always love my father, and was upset with myself that I had disappointed him, but his biggest issue is assuming that I was involved with drugs or prostitution. I was almost disappointed in him that he didn’t give me time to prove myself, but then again, I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anyone who doesn’t want to believe in me or at least accept my choices. Anyone else who hasn’t liked me dancing, in due time has realized how serious I take this job. He now believes that I didn’t have to dance to receive the opportunities I’ve gotten from it, such as the radio show. I understand and respect why he is upset, and don’t try to get in contact with him as he wished. Hopefully one day he will also understand and respect me, though. I don’t want to sit here and talk badly about him, because my Dad truly is a wonderful man, very talented, knowledgeable, and hard working. I just wonder if we had more in common to bond over when I lived with him, if that would’ve changed his view? Will he talk to me again only when I’m done dancing? How will that conversation go? I have no idea, but I always hope the best for him and hope he is healthy, happy, and just knows that I am as well.”

Liz: “I think it’s great that women realized what a great workout dancing with a pole is and all these pole-dancing exercise classes popped up in all the major cities! What were the physical/health benefits to your job?”

KJ: “I lightly mentioned earlier how this job has given me the body I dreamed of, and it’s all from hard work! I actually bought a pole off of Amazon, put it in my living room, and watched YouTube tutorials on how to do pole tricks. I read somewhere before that practicing the pole for 45 minutes- even if it’s just flipping upside down or something- is the equivalent to a 3 hour full body work out. I burned off a ton of fat at first then gained back weight in muscle. Because I’m so short, I always joke around and call myself “a little muscular sausage.” Hahahaha! When I give couch dances, I also move my body in certain positions that workout my core. It’s pretty insane though, I watch new dancers all of the time shed weight from dancing. Going on stage multiple times a night and giving so many dances, even walking in the heels, will definitely tone up the body.”

Liz: “What’s the craziest/funniest thing that’s happened during a shift at work?”

KJ: “Oh goodness, there are so many situations I’ve been in during work that would fit into this, I’m not even sure what to use for my answer! I’ve seen things from a girl’s wig falling off on stage, the falls we’ve taken in our heels, guys that are too drunk throwing up in couch dances, to finding customers asleep in a VIP room after the club has closed. Hahaha. You never know what to expect at this job, every night is a new adventure.”

Liz: “What is the typical personality profile of a guy who comes to your club? Are they usually cool or do they often get too drunk and try to climb onstage, lol.”

KJ: “I guess it depends on what day of the week it is! Usually Sundays- Wednesday are pretty slow nights, the calmer customers come in, mostly regulars. Thursday– Saturday is more of the “after party scene.” Either way, there are more respectful men that come in opposed to disrespectful, but we always keep our guard up. Most men don’t try to push their luck until theyre actually getting a dance. Usually the drunken customers are still pretty respectful, just want to have a good time. It’s insane to meet so many people because everyone has such different personalities.”

Liz: “Are there any unexpected ways exotic dancing has changed you or your life perspectives?”

KJ: “Dancing has changed a lot of views on things for me. Like I said before, self respect is a huge one. Also meeting so many different type of men has also taught me what I deserve in a guy. After all of this time I’ve learned what I deserve from a man when it comes to dating, even. There are men that come into my workplace and bow down to me, and others that treat me like a piece of meat. I feel like I’ve learned to detect bullshit or honesty very well which has reflected into who I will involve myself in my personal life. If I date a guy and he lacks respect or treats me like some of the men I meet at work (In a bad way) then I won’t deal with it. It’s taught me how to stick up for myself more. I also used to be a very jealous person, whether it was jealous in relationships or envious of other people. Working this job has taught me to love who I am and be okay with the fact that everyone’s beauty standards are different. I feel like the more confidence someone has, the less they want to be like everyone else. I’ve always been a really caring and non judgmental person, but from the amount of different people I meet, it’s made me care even more. You never know why someone comes into the club, and the moments when it’s just to vent about life or have a shoulder to cry on, makes you realize everyone has their own demons to fight. All of my conversations are genuine with customers, and outside of the club I try to make sure I can also be “that shoulder” to anyone who needs it- friends, family, acquaintances, etc. 

I’ve also learned to be more generous, especially financially. Some people make what I make in a night, in two weeks. That’s why you will never see me flaunt my money on social media or hear my talking about it. This is actually one of the first times I’ve ever talked about it to be honest hahaha I just don’t think anything positive comes out of flaunting, but I would rather give my last $200 to someone behind on their rent, or needs groceries, or needs to pay their phone bill, knowing that I could make it back faster. I’m really not trying to brag at all, because I have struggles too when the club is slow, but it doesn’t make me feel good seeing someone struggle and walking past it. I’ve been in times like that, and it’s not fun. Also, I’ve learned how to accept rejection, and even patience. And a good work ethic in general, due to the fact the money we make is from our own “hustle.””

Liz: “What do you enjoy doing when you’re not at work?”

KJ: “I would like to consider myself a “normal girl” when I’m not working. Some friends of mine still call me “Kendall” outside of work, which I look at as a nickname. Actually, it comes in handy when I’m at a bar or something and don’t want to give out my real name, haha. But anyway, I try my best to catch up on sleep. I go into each work weekend knowing I won’t be able to sleep well, due to long hours at night and having to wake up early to do it all over again. I also like to work on art, or make cover songs on my ukulele.

When I’m not at work, I still need to keep up on my social media, so I still try to post on those. Everyone always wants to see our “crazy lives” but we really are just your average person. Run errands, cure boredom with hobbies, binge watch Netflix, spend time with friends; just like anyone else.”

Liz: “What advice would you give a woman considering becoming an exotic dancer?”

KJ: “There’s quite a few pieces of advice I give to dancers when they first start out or are thinking of starting out, so buckle your seat belt.

– You’re not ugly, and you’re not “too fat.” Every guy has a different preference in women. I’ve even been told I’m “too muscular” or “too intimidating” because of my body. That’s just part of the job though, rejection. 
– Keep pushing, no matter how bad your feet hurt. The biggest pain (pun intended) of starting to dance is breaking in heels and your body getting bruised as easy as a bad banana. From purple knees due to floor work on stage, to literall blistering and blood on your feet, you need to keep going. Any minute you take your heels off as relief, or miss work to let your body heal, makes the healing process longer. It’s a long 3-4 weeks of pain and bruising. My feet are scarred up and ugly, but hey, so are ballerinas!
– this job is not only physically tolling, but also emotionally and mentally. Like I said, you’re going to be rejected, you’re going to deal with rude customers, pushy customers, long nights, and sometimes nights where you don’t leave with more than $50. It’s not your fault. You just need to pick yourself up, come back into work the next day, and never stop the hustle. 
– Nobody started out perfect. It took me a year and a half to do the pole tricks I do today, and over two years to get the body I have. Just from giving dances a girl will lose weight very fast, so if you are self conscious, I promise you will lose weight. But mostly, we didn’t all start out knowing how to dance on stage, in the couches, or even how to talk to customers! You pick it up as you go, just have faith in yourself and pay attention to what the other girls are doing (as far as how they approach customers and ask for dances.)
– you’re not here to make friends. Now, there definitely is room to make friendships at a club, for example my best friend is my coworker haha. But remember everyone is there to work. A lot of dancers forget they were a new girl once too, and now feel they have “seniority.” Screw that, ignore anything negative they may say about you. You’ll be respected faster and more respected in the long run by doing your own thing and not giving into drama. 
– KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Know your rights as a dancer, in the contract, and know your prostitution laws. Some customers try to say things like “it’s okay if I touch you here,” and if you don’t want them to or know it’s illegal, you are under NO obligation to let them do so. 
– I can promise you, you don’t need to give into any sort of prostitution to make good money. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s all about the way you carry yourself, talk, your charm, and the impression you leave. 
-Never give out your real name and personal information, and NEVER leave the club with a customer, no matter how much money they offer to “hangout at their house, it won’t be weird I promise,” or “let me pick you up for dinner, what’s your address?” NEVER EVER EVER. 
-Always carry around a handbag for your money. There’s some sketchy people out there. 
-Leave your problems at the door. Customers can tell when you’re upset or in a bad mood. They don’t want to dance with a girl who’s obviously angry or frustrated, and don’t want to hear about any drama or problems. You have to remember that we are fantasies to them and it’s an important thing to uphold. 
All In all, this job really is a lot of fun. It seems like a lot to keep in mind, but it comes naturally after you get used to everything. I have plans for a future career, but I know that leaving dancing will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do. I’ve made such amazing relationships with so many people, I’ve learned so many things, and I know one day I’ll look back at it all and have so many memories to be thankful for. I guess the craziest thing is, I never thought I would be where I am today because of this job. Take chances, put yourself out there, and most of all, do what makes YOU happy; that’s the biggest piece of advice I could ever give… to anyone.”
Follow Kendall Jade on Twitter, Instagram, and on Snapchat @kdalljade
Kendall Jade

G.S. wrote: “I love what you do on your blog. I am a naturist/nudist but I am still turned on by wanting to do CFnm situations (single so I can’t). Even though as I wrote I am so used to seeing naked females, I want to see them in control of me (with her and maybe her fellow girlfriends there, too). Is this normal for males to be turned on doing CFnm things?”

Liz says: Normal for a man with sexually submissive tendencies? Yes. For those who might be unaware, CFnm stands for Clothed Female/naked male. In the domination and submission world, the Dominatrix and his or her pronouns/title are often (but not always) capitalized to show authority and the submissive’s pronouns/titles are lowercase to symbolize they’re beneath the Domme.

In this case, CFnm refers to parties in which Clothed Females are served by naked men. The nude subs will act as bartenders, waiters, and butlers who are at the women’s beck and call. The subs will give foot massages, do some cleaning, and even act as furniture. Sexual activity may or may not occur, depending on the participants or the host’s rules.

So, GS, I can see why you’d be into this if you’re into Female Domination, and whether or not you’re a nudist is irrelevant. But there are a couple of things you say in your letter that I’m not sure I understand: why do you say you can’t participate in CFnm because you’re “single”? And why do you specify a “her”? Who is “her”? I don’t see that pronoun in reference to someone specific in your letter, like a girlfriend or someone you know.

Anyway, you wanted to know if your desire is normal and I’m here to say yes it is! Even for people who don’t identify as sexually submissive or dominant, elements of S&M are present in many people’s fantasies, role-playing, and regular sexual activities.

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Christian wrote: “This is probably an atypical question. I am Argentinean male, engineer in my late 20s. I am working on finding the right person, but I am struggling a bit, because I tend to think the girls are a bit “turn off” by A) me not being American (came to USA at 19 years old), – I eventually did become one (US Citizen), but you know what I mean, B ) I tend to have a bit “tough” ~ rough attitude (as I been told) / goofy at times, which may not be the most “gentleman” aproach. It sounds worse than it is. I had American girlfriends throughout college and graduate school, but after being in the working force I had less luck, in part because I tend to go out less, or I am not around to such an extensive network, but I still think that there is something to A and B that are not optimizing the connection with the opposite sex.”

Liz says: I don’t want to generalize or stereotype men in other cultures, but I have heard (I cannot speak from personal experience) from women who have traveled to Europe and South America that men will aggressively hit on them everywhere. As an example, an old roommate of mine described visiting Italy with a female friend of hers and mentioned the men stared and hollered at them while walking down the street, standing too close to them when they approached to talk to the girls and not letting them go easily when they showed no interest.

This doesn’t mean I’m assuming this is the way you treat women. Everyone is different (hell, American men can be guilty of this kind of approach, too) but in case this is the way you hit on women, take it from me when I say we do find it a turn-off. Once again, everyone is different, but most American women want to be approached by men in a very natural, gentle way. We don’t want to feel like animals you have to chase down or objects to attain. It can be scary sometimes, too, if the man who hits on you stands too close or stares at you too much. All these behaviors can give the impression you are either desperate or creepy.

The best way to approach a woman is to simply relax, smile, and introduce yourself. Use humor, speak in a calm tone, show that you see her as an independent human being who deserves respectful behavior. And if you do the online dating thing, keep the same advice in mind when you first message a potential date. I’ve seen so many women complain about how aggressively sexual a man is when he first messages her online. It’s often a turn-off when a man is too overt too soon; subtlety is sexier.

Your English is pretty good, so I don’t think your original nationality is why a woman isn’t interested (because a language barrier is what I imagine would be the reason your nationality would affect their responses to you). And let’s face it, accents can be incredibly attractive.

Good luck!

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Liz: “In your book, Stripped Verses, you mention that too many people still hold onto myths about naturists, like that you’re all “swingers”. Why do you think people can’t separate nudity from sexual behavior?”

Anthony: “I believe that during the beginning of our early lives we are conditioned by our peers and the media to see the world in an artificial surrounding. I also think education and ignorance play a role in that too.”

Liz: “The last 2 lines of your poem “Solar Angel” are We are born naked, I’m an angel, this isn’t a sin. I love that. How much do you believe religion plays a role in our attitudes about our bodies and nudity?”

Anthony: “On a spiritual level I think nudity and to embrace yourself is important for the connection for the philosophy and foundation. If nudity is shunned in any religious text then I believe surely it isn’t an honest reality on their part. We evolved on this earth in our natural state of body and mind and it would be a denial if nudity was ignored. In Ancient Greek history a writer named Hesiod wrote a poem titled Theogony, which describes the origins of Greek Gods in Ancient Greek religion that they should sow naked, plough naked, and harvest naked if you wish to bring Demeter’s fruits. Demeter is the Goddess of harvest and agriculture whom presided over the crops, grains and the fertility of the earth.”

Liz: “What inspires you to write your poetry collection? How long have you been writing?”

Anthony: “I am inspired by every day life, past and present, future. An example of one of my writing patterns is that I begin with one word, a strong and simple word which will be my seed and the poetics that flow will appear into branches and the end result will be my tree of life and creation. I have been writing since I was a child and I officially published my work from 2010 onwards.  When I wrote Stripped Verses it was the most honest, healthiest, positive writing process I have had. The same process happened with Libro de Lumine. These collections I wanted to get inside the readers mind and make them think and question about the subjects and visions.  I have been asked recently by a theatre production company and a nude school if they could use Stripped Verses within their establishments. I was incredibly honoured and appreciated by that. It’s rewarding to help and change views and minds into a positive aspect of thinking while educating them with the truth for themselves and those around them to make their lives more confident and positive.”

Liz: “What does it mean to you to be nude, and what does it mean to be clothed?”

Anthony: “I sometimes forget I am nude. I have been used to the same way of life for a while now. I realise I am nude when I get dressed to go to the store. Sometimes I almost walked out the door and not realising I was in my natural state. I feel closer to myself and the earth around me. I don’t feel suffocated and restricted. The freedom to be in your natural skin is uplifting and rewarding to a healthy soul. I spend as much time as possible living nude. It certainly makes you happier too.”

Liz: “You live in the UK, and as an American I always get the impression people are more openminded and less judgmental there. Here in the U.S. there is a large portion of the country that still holds Puritanical views on sex and nudity. Have you ever visited the U.S.? Do you see a difference in attitudes?”

Anthony: “I have visited the U.S and I agree. I believe media and attitudes have affected the current situation about nudity. I think the congress in office need to listen and speak to the people more. There are some strong voices campaigning about various rights, etc… But I believe that strength in numbers and a strong voice can help change the future. Everyone needs to support each other and take a stand.”

Liz: “In the U.S. there are a number of people who will berate a breastfeeding mother in public. Puritanical views on nudity are so bad here that a mother can’t even use her breasts to do what they’re meant to do! Their views of nudity have been so perverted, they treat the breastfeeding mom like she’s the pervert! Breasts are feeding tools first, but these people only see them as sex organs. Does the same thing happen where you live?”

Anthony: “When I was a child it was perfectly normal and natural to see public breastfeeding but recent times with ignorant and judgmental attitudes have affected and conditioned the outlook on these minorities. We must the only species that are judgmental, critical to our own people. You never see an animal be judged by living their natural way of life and no other species are judged or labelled. Our human race certainly needs to learn and educate.”

Liz: “Does everyone close to you understand naturism or have you had to deal with judgment from friends and family?”

Anthony: “Thankfully, I’ve never been through any judgement directly but each week I often make a point while campaigning about naturism.”

Liz: “What is your favorite poem you wrote and your favorite poem from another author?”

Anthony: “That’s a difficult one. I enjoy everything I have written. I hardly look back on previous writings because I like to focus ahead and put my energies into that project, etc… A couple of my all time favourite verses are The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe and Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.”

Follow Anthony on Twitter @crowley_anthony

“Libro De Lumine” (The Book of the Light)- Out Now!

“Stripped Verses”- Out Now!

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Steve wrote: “My wife gave birth 5 weeks ago. Obviously we haven’t been sexually intimate since and now she too is feeling… repressed lol. The thing is, things are still rough down there, and she asked how I feel about trying anal sex. I am super eager to try this, we’ve never done it and it’s a huge fantasy of mine, but I’m wondering if it’s safe to do for her now and she’s too embarrassed to ask her OB (a male). Thoughts?”

Liz says: As someone who has given birth and remembers how “rough down there” it is for long after the recommended 6-week no-sex rule, I am leaning toward suggesting you two should wait to have anal sex.

For starters, one of the concerns with anal sex is that fecal bacteria can travel toward the labia and urethra, causing infections, and it’s even more important to avoid this after giving birth. Especially if your wife had an episiotomy, that area needs to be kept as clean as possible for optimal healing. In other words, having anal sex could cause an infection, and besides her pain and suffering, could push the date further away that her Ob/Gyn gives the clear for resuming intercourse.

An additional concern could be hemorrhoids. Pregnant women are more prone to developing them, and anal intercourse could worsen them.

So I’m going to suggest other sexual fun you can have more safely, like oral sex and hand jobs 😉

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A.L. wrote:I wanted to get your opinion on the current dating scene for young adults. I’m a 19-year-old straight guy and a university student. As you may know, that’s a time and a place full of partying, one-nighters, casual sex and whatnot.

Problem is, I’m more of a romantic person. Most parties don’t interest me at all, for a few different reasons. First, I don’t like any of the music and just the concept of most parties in general. Second, and most important, the idea of staying with a bunch of different girls in the same night just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. It wouldn’t mean anything, in my perspective. Kind of like an empty act, without any real feeling to it. (Sounds really romantic, I know.)

Okay, I’m not saying I’ll never do these things. “Never” is a pretty strong word, but for now, I do feel a bit lost for wanting a serious relationship while surrounded by people who, as a general rule, don’t want that at all. What I’d really want is being with someone I can call my girlfriend, and make happy, and just be together and have a good, fun, meaningful time.

I do have some dating experience, but with a long-distance relationship. That’s an entirely different and complex matter on its own, so I won’t elaborate on it here.

So do you think this is only my perception, or most people my age and in my social circles really don’t want a serious relationship? What should I focus on then?”

Liz says: Once upon a time, young adults were expected to get married as soon as possible. If you reached your late twenties unmarried, your parents started worrying you’d be alone for the rest of your life and the neighbors started gossiping that maybe you were a “pervert”. But thankfully times have changed. Most of us wised up and realized our parents and grandparents got married too young, and twenty-somethings decided to spend their time getting an education, beginning careers, and having fun instead of “settling down”.

Your twenties are a great time to date without the pressure of finding “The One”. This is the time to learn more about yourself: your turn-offs, your life goals, whether or not it’s a deal-breaker if your S.O. hates thrill rides and scary movies. This is the time to learn how to be in a relationship: how to be part of a couple, how to listen better, how to fight better, how to spot Red Flags in someone’s character. But still, too many people marry the person who should’ve just been a lesson. There’s a reason the divorce rate is highest among people who got married in their late teens or early twenties.

Then there are the people who go too far the opposite direction of our grandparent’s days, equating commitment with the death of fun and having indiscriminate sex with practical strangers every weekend. Partying without commitment can be fun for a while, but usually with maturity it begins to feel empty and pointless. What’s interesting is that you’re already there.

I think a lot of your peers are somewhere in the middle. They know they aren’t ready for anything serious, but are open to a commitment if the right person comes along while they’re living it up. They’re hooking up until they find someone that makes them stop and say ‘Wait a minute here…this person is different from the rest…’

Bottom line: You be you and don’t do anything you don’t want to. Focus on your life goals, job, hobbies, and education and someone good for you will come along. I bet there are girls your age out there saying the same things you are, and you won’t find them at those parties you don’t like going to.

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Steven wrote: “I had long fantasized about trying anal play (myself on the recieving end). I broached the subject to my wife of five years and she was extremely against trying this. Not wanting to push her but having trouble shaking the urge to try this, I opted to try it out alone. I mistakenly left out the toy and Vaseline. Upon seeing this, she told me that it is bad enough that I masturbate but I shouldn’t be “shoving things in my ass”, and told me not to do this again. Is this a reasonable thing to ask??”

Liz says: I find it noteworthy that you say you “mistakenly” left out the toy and lube. We’re not talking about your kid finding them in the living room, we’re talking about your wife, who’s presumably an adult with whom you share your most intimate secrets and life. You should not have to hide something so normal and healthy from her; there’s nothing wrong with married people masturbating.

Telling you not to anally masturbate is crossing a line. Being married doesn’t mean your partner now owns your body. Is this something you do often in place of initiating affection and/or sex with her? Is she feeling neglected by you? Even if these are true it doesn’t justify her demands, but it does mean you two need to have a serious and honest discussion with each other about what you both want and what needs to change.

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Bill wrote: “Have you heard from anyone with a Keds or Converse fetish? Would enjoy hearing your take on it in one of your YouTube pieces. And yes, I have a Keds and Converse fetish.”

Liz says: I have not heard before from anyone who specified brands like you have, but certainly from guys who specified which style of shoe they’re into. So I guess in your case, you like the laid-back, non-sporty sneaker style that Converse and Keds provide. Perhaps those are the shoes that were popular on girls when you were younger?

I’ve heard from several men with a foot fetish say they prefer flats on women, or high heels and boots (the guys that are more submissive and get turned on by dominant personalities seem to like what boots and heels symbolize), and some who said they love any shoe that shows her feet and toes the most. Is it about feet for you too, or are you really just into the shoes?

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PS: Sorry I couldn’t devote your letter to a video for my channel! I don’t make new videos anymore, but thank you for watching and writing me 😀