The Naked Advice

with Model & Writer Liz LaPoint

Josh wrote: “Is it normal I like cumming on women’s faces? I know it’s something kind of “invented” by the porn industry, but I find it very satisfying. Not all woman are into it, but there is something about seeing my load all over a woman’s face that really turns me on. I truly have respect for women & believe in equality, but do you think I might secretly like “degrading” them for a small amount of time?”

Liz says: It sounds like you enjoy being dominant, with a tendency toward being aroused by humiliation. What’s interesting is that what turns us on is often not indicative of what we feel or believe in real life. It’s common to be aroused by sexual activities involving domination and submission, but to not be dominating or submissive in other ways. Sometimes there are even things that arouse us in fantasy but would disturb us in real life. It’s also normal for you to be a little confused by it; many people have a difficult time reconciling their sexual fantasies with who they are typically.

It’s often said that it’s the Type A Personality who runs 3 businesses who privately enjoys paying a Dominatrix to make him submissive. Or the person who fantasizes about a prison guard forcing a prisoner to do sexual “favors” would be totally horrified in real life if they saw that happen. Many of the things we find sexually arousing are only arousing if they remain fantasies and are never actually acted out. In other words, you might enjoy doing something degrading in the bedroom, but would never do anything that degrades or humiliates a woman in real life. It’s common for both men and women.

So as long as what you’re doing is consensual, you’re normal.human-minds

 

Liz: “I’m so glad you reached out to me! Fate would bring us together through our amazing hairstylist, Laura. We have a lot in common!

I love your website. It’s easy to navigate and has a clean design, peppered with spirited photos of your smiling face. You have a very welcoming, comforting vibe, and that’s great for what you do.

So what made you choose to be a physiotherapist for our privates?”

Susie:It all started when I was jumping on a trampoline 6 years ago with my godson and I suddenly pissed myself. At 25yrs old I freaked out. As fate would have it, my good friend Ashely emailed me an opportunity to shadow a pelvic health therapist. I was nervous at first because I didn’t know if I could muster up the courage to stick my finger in someone else’s vagina. After shadowing the therapist and taking a few training classes on my own, I was sold.”

Liz: “On your About page, you list the questions you hear the most from people and I found it informative and funny. Do you find that a lot of people seem uncomfortable with what you do when you first tell them?”

Susie:Oh yea, because who isn’t shy talking about their private parts? Eventually after a few cock-tails people end up asking me all sorts of questions and express tons of interest.”

L: “You’re a woman who’s very pretty and youthful looking, do you ever feel like people have a difficult time respecting your authority or knowledge?”

S:Unfortunately it comes with the territory as they say which is why I do my best to address the big elephant in the room. Without sounding too narcissistic or prude, yes I know I’m pretty and I’m a chick but I like to keep things down to earth and professional. I pride myself being able to make people, especially men, feel comfortable about issues going on downstairs. It’s way too often that people are shy and nervous seeking help for their privates and if I can bring light to a rather “embarrassing” subject the more my message gets across, hopefully encouraging people to get the help they need.

As a woman, boundaries are very important and I make sure both men and women know what those boundaries are for me. 99% of the time I have no issues with people crossing boundaries because when you’ve got dick pain the last thing you’re thinking about is some hot chick looking at your junk. You just want help so the problem down there gets cleared up.”

L: “What’s the biggest myth about male and female reproduction/sexuality?”

S:The biggest myth that comes to mind is the female orgasm. Ha ha not that the orgasm is the myth but that women “gush” buckets of cum when they orgasm. That’s just not true no matter what you’ve seen in porn. Truth be told women do have a ‘female prostate’ with little tiny glands called skene’s glads that emit prostate like fluid along with diluted urine when stimulated. So the female g-spot does exist and women do cum just not bucket amounts. If that’s the case, I’d be curious to see how much of that fluid is diluted urine.

For men, I’d say that having an orgasm doesn’t equal ejaculation. You can have an orgasm without ejaculation. And guys, you can’t separate your mind from your penis. Your performance is partly based on what’s going on in your head (the one on your neck not your penis haha).”

L: “What’s the best and worst advice about sex and relationships your parents gave you?”

S:I actually never got any advice from my parents BUT my old polish grandma on the other hand, now that’s a different story. When my cousin once asked her how to prevent getting pregnant, she said “do anal”. Classic.”

L: “Are you working on any side projects?”

S:Too many! The biggest and most recent project is my new book, Pelvic Pain: The Ultimate Cock Block. Accounting for over 2 million outpatient visits per year in the United States alone, persistent pelvic pain syndrome is a  mysterious condition imprisoning millions of men in their own bodies.

In my book, I address this invisible affliction targeting men in their early 20’s-late 30’s. I discuss the low down on the ‘down below’ using humor to break down the walls of cultural taboos, empowering men (and women) to take matters into their ‘own hands’, literally.

There are only a select few books in the realm of pelvic pain, none of which are specifically written in a tone and language that captures the voices of young men suffering with pelvic pain. It’s straight forward, empowering and provides self-help strategies to ensure that pelvic pain doesn’t snowball into a catastrophic, self-dooming life sentence. Pelvic pain isn’t permanent despite what the internet and other doctors may have said.

My second greatest project is establishing a practice in Asheville, NC. I recently moved from Chicago to the beautiful smokey mountains and am setting up shop here. So if you’re up for some serious healing and love nature, come visit me in Asheville y’all!”

L: “Do you have more male or female clients/people who contact you?”

S: “I’d say it’s 50/50.”

L: “What’s the most surprising fact about our sexual anatomy that many people don’t know?”

S:That we actually have muscles down there that are essential for sexual health and function. It’s more complicated than people think. And the second most interesting fact is that these same muscles are essential for pooping and peeing. Sex, poop, and pee are vital everyday functions and there are people like me out there who help when things literally go “south”.”

L: “If you could go back to your teens knowing then what you know now, is there anything you’d do differently?”

S:Great question! I would definitely eat healthier, take less antibiotics and do more self-care like yoga, exercise, meditation, mental coaching etc. Health is a multifaceted continuum and the key to happiness in my opinion.”

L: “Tell me more about your Guidance Program vs your Hands-On Program.”

S:The Guidance program is essentially a health coaching relationship established to help someone who’s got pelvic pain and doesn’t know where to start, who to see, what to do. As a health coach, it’s my job to support you with all my professional networks and resources so that you can build a supportive wellness team to suit your needs. I also push you out of your cozy, comfort zone to get to the real fears and barriers that are preventing you from reaching your health and/or personal goals. I’ve worked with many individuals with pelvic pain and take a holistic and integrative approach to healthcare but this also takes commitment on the client’s part to do the work. Unfortunately, there’s no “magic pill or cure” for anything in this world and ultimately all the healing comes from within.

The Hands-On program is something unique I created that no other physical therapist has done to my knowledge. I’ve created a one-on-one, 6 day unique teaching program designed to teach you how to treat yourself. You learn all the tools to become an expert in treating yourself from a physical standpoint. You also get the coaching and supportive guidance because the physical issues are just one piece of the puzzle and addressing the other domains such as relationships, sleep, nutrition, mental health, resilience, etc. For this program participants must be willing to come visit me in Asheville, NC.

You can find details of both programs on my website www.drsusieg.com

L: “What’s the #1 cause of male pelvic pain and female pelvic pain?”

S: “Ah, another toughie. Honestly, there isn’t any #1 cause for pelvic pain. That’s what makes this issue such a conundrum for most patients, doctors and wellness providers. It’s a multifaceted issue and looking at the whole person, at all domains of their health is essential to healing. I know this isn’t the answer most people want to hear but it’s the nature of the beast. I think people need to realize that persistent pain of any kind is all encompassing and really a signal from your body that something in your life needs to change. It’s not always physical and we need to start looking beyond just treating the symptoms.

Pain gets a bad wrap but it’s actually a gift. Without pain we’d be in more harm. You’d want to know that you’re touching a hot stove, you want to know that you just stepped on a nail. Pain is a vital part of life.”

L: “If you could give only one piece of advice for preventive care, what would it be?”

S: “Don’t forget to have some fun in your life. It’s the best cure for anything. Putting yourself first is not selfish, actually you’re doing everyone a favor by taking care of yourself so that you have the strength and resilience to take care of others. As they say on the airplane safety spiel you’ve got to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others. You’re no use to them if you’re dead.”

You can also find Dr. Susie Gronski on:

Twitter @DrSusieG Facebook: @drsusieg Instagram: @dr.susieg

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Photo credit: Real Life Moment Photography

V. wrote:I am an engaged male in my thirties. I like going to porn theatres to masturbate with other men around. It is thrilling to me and I get very turned on listening to the other men and seeing them jerk off.

I have told my future wife and she is ok with it. Am I a perv, I feel dirty about this. 
Advice please !!! Thanks.”

Liz says: I find it interesting that you seem unconcerned with the possibility of being arrested for indecent exposure. Going to jail for this is a big deal and could result in having to register as a sex offender, depending on your state’s laws.

But are you a “pervert” for being turned on by other men doing the same thing you are? No. I suspect that the reasons you feel “dirty” about it are because you’ve either:

A) internalized homophobic messages

B) you feel some sort of guilt because it feels like cheating on your fiancée, even if she says she’s okay with it

C) you’re feeling conflicted about your sexual orientation

D) all of the above

There’s nothing wrong with you for being aroused by other dudes masturbating, but it’s not worth getting arrested for. Instead, maybe when you look at porn at home you can imagine your theater experience 😉

old-movie-theater

 

 

 

R.S.C. wrote: “I’d be interested to hear your opinion on whether some degree of exploitation of a woman’s physical attractiveness hurts the entire women’s ‘movement.’ Specifically, I’m thinking of edgier examples such as wet T-shirt contests, oil or whipped cream wrestling in bikinis, etc. If a woman has done that and enjoyed the rush and attention, is that a bad thing, or as long as it’s not hurting anyone and causing regrets, is that just harmless fun? Thanks for your perspective!”

Liz says: Let’s go over the definition of objectification first. Click here and here to read a couple of definitions. You’ll notice something important: it is an act done to someone else, the responsibility of objectification falls on the agent who is perceiving it.

This is important because most often when society is discussing objectification (usually sexual objectification of women) it tends to put the onus on women to control how others perceive them. People tend to blame the victim.

In other words, we should be asking why people have a difficult time accepting women can be sexual beings and also intelligent, educated, compassionate, law-abiding, mature, well-rounded human beings? What’s wrong with someone who sees a woman dressed provocatively and then treats her with less respect as a result? What’s wrong with the women who call themselves feminists but shame and objectify sexier women (ironically claiming the sexy woman is “objectifying herself”)? What’s wrong with someone who judges a woman who poses in Playboy, unable to see it as just one aspect of her life and personality? What’s wrong with the men who buy those Playboy magazines but judge the women they’re ogling? Why do some people assume those who watch straight pornography will only see women as objects to have sex with in real life (and what’s wrong with the men who do only see women that way)?

Even some feminist academics fail by not steering the conversation toward how to evolve attitudes on female sexuality. Instead, they waste time blaming pornography, the advertising industry, the fashion industry, sex workers, and celebrities for domestic violence and rape. It’s so backwards, to blame the victims and not put the onus where it belongs: on those that don’t want to accept female sexuality as just one aspect of our lives and identities, on those that want to use and abuse women. Women owning their sexuality and posing nude, or wearing sexy fashion, or having sex with whomever they choose, doesn’t contribute to the violence done to us. If that were true, elderly women, obese women, and women wearing burqas would never be raped or beaten by their mates. And we all know that they are. These “feminists” should know this, because they’re taught that rape isn’t about lust, it’s about asserting power over someone, it’s about anger, it’s about ego.

Click here to read about a study published in The Journal of Sex Research that showed men and women who watch pornography are more likely to hold egalitarian views (are less sexist).

The people screaming the loudest about the “sexual objectification of women” are guilty themselves of sexually objectifying women, and all that screaming has gone too far. Men can’t even respectfully compliment a woman on her looks anymore without being attacked by these people. As a recent example, remember when Steve Martin wrote a sweet tweet about Carrie Fisher after her death and he was bullied to the point of finally removing his tweet? How utterly repulsive and irrational.

You’re right, RSC, that as long as the woman participating in the whipped cream bikini wrestling contest isn’t hurting anyone, why should it matter and why should we judge her? I suspect, unfortunately, that many of the feminists who would condemn her are responding from a place of insecurity and envy. They’re using activism as an excuse for their catty behavior. Psychological studies show humans have a tendency to  have an emotional response to something and then come up with justifications for their feelings and resulting actions, instead of examining their emotions and maybe changing them if they realize they’re over-reacting or their feelings are irrational.

And there’s a huge difference between using your good looks to get ahead (whether it’s to sell your brand or jump start your acting career) and “sexually objectifying yourself”, yet people mistake the former for the latter. The only people I can think of that actually sexually objectify themselves are prostitutes; they’re selling a product to be used that happens to be their bodies.

The world would be a better place if people evolved and stopped feeling threatened by women’s bodies and put higher expectations on men’s attitudes and responsibility for their behavior.

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R.L.G. wrote: “My girlfriend knows I have a fetish: I like my dick being stomped on, trampled on, and stood on barefoot. But I’m not sure how to ask her. How do I tell her I want to feel my balls crush under her feet?”

Liz says: You mean she knows but hasn’t offered yet? Maybe you just haven’t made her angry enough 😉

Seriously though, you tell her the exact same way you told me! Perhaps during the next make-out session, when you’re both horny and more open to experimentation, you could tell her to do what you want and see how she responds. If she’s seriously disturbed by it and has no interest, now you know. But there’s a chance she will have fun with it, so it’s better to just go for it by asking her.

silhouette-female-soccer

J.T. wrote:I’m in my mid-40s and in the 7th year of my second marriage. I absolutely love my wife with everything I have. We fit each other so perfectly that we can finish each other’s sentences, we each are okay with doing chores the other hates to do. I do all the cooking, she does all the laundry and we never fight or argue about anything.

I’m writing because I have been thinking about cheating on my wife for no other reason than I just want something different. I have no desire to leave her and she is very submissive in the bedroom. In fact she will give it up just about every time I want sex so it’s not a problem with frequency.

What I’m missing is the butterflies you get when kissing a woman for the first time, the smell and touch of a new woman. I want to be desired and lusted after.

I’m not looking for your approval or disapproval, but insight. Do women feel the same way in a marriage? Is it normal for me to want these feelings again? What percentage of men and women cheat in the USA?”

Liz says: This is totally normal, for both men and women. So normal, in fact, that it is one of the reasons why people have wondered and debated for eons whether or not sexual monogamy is even natural for humans.

Did you know that the parts of the brain that light up from using addictive drugs are the same parts that light up while in the “honeymoon” phase of love? It seems that lust, love, and cocaine have something in common (Click here to read more about that).

So when the novelty wears off and we settle into the more relaxed stage of love, when we’ve built trust with our partner and accepted their flaws, the “pleasure center” of our brain also relaxes, and this is a good thing. Can you imagine if everyone in a relationship was running around in a constant state of wildly horny obsessiveness? We’d never get anything done!

In other words, while it’s normal to miss the “butterflies” and excitement of first love, it’s also normal and healthy that it fades to some degree. There are some people who mistakenly believe that it means there must be something wrong with the relationship if they don’t feel the same level of lusty desire they used to feel for their partner. I think it matters whether or not you feel contempt and repulsion. If someone isn’t attracted to their partner at all anymore, and even feels disgusted by them, then that’s a huge red flag. That happens often when there are a lot of unresolved issues and resentments have accumulated. But since you describe a healthy and happy relationship with your wife, it sounds like you’re simply missing the rush of excitement that occurs in the first stage of love.

As far as statistics on married people who cheat, studies show varying results. Some determined as many as 70% of married people have had at least one extra-marital affair, and some say it’s about 25%.

I know you stated that you aren’t looking for my approval, but let me suggest this: recognize your feelings for what they are, and choose to override them. That’s called emotional intelligence; mastering control over your emotions by being mindful of the whys and hows of it all, and choosing to not let them control you instead. Think about how  any temporary satisfaction you might glean from hooking up with someone else will affect your relationship with your wife, how painful it will be for her, the erosion of trust, and the possible life-altering results.

man-with-wedding-band

 

S.B. wrote: “My wife of four years is pregnant with our second child. She’s in her seventh month and the idea of sex with her in her current condition makes me uncomfortable. It isn’t the belly, I don’t think I mind her being overweight, it’s much more that it almost feels inappropriate. The last time we did it, about a month ago, the whole time I was thinking “my kid is in there!” and I actually faked an orgasm. I didn’t mind at three months but now I guess the “deniability” is gone. It’s not like she’s asked and I refused I just have not initiated as I normally do. Am I an awful person?”

Liz says: Everything you’ve described is normal. Many men find it difficult to maintain arousal during sex with their mate’s pregnant bodies, for understandable reasons, and eventually after the child is born sex with their partner returns to what it used to be. While I get why you’d be weirded out by the fact that your “kid is in there!”, it might help you to know that the mucus plug at the bottom of her cervix prevents semen from coming into contact with the baby. Click here to read more about sex during pregnancy by the Mayo Clinic.

I’m curious though: did you not feel this way with the first pregnancy?

Anyway, just be open and honest with her about how you feel, so she’s not left to assume the worst, and enjoy other forms of affection and sexual activities with each other. You know what some women love more than intercourse while pregnant? Massages!

pregnant-couple