The Naked Advice

with Model & Writer Liz LaPoint

Dan wrote: “Recently I started a new job and found a coworker very attractive, however I came to find out she’s married so I was perfectly fine with keeping it professional. After a couple weeks on the job this coworker asked me to lunch and from the moment we sat down there was an instant connection, at least on my side. We’ve now gone out a couple more times and the attraction is strong as ever. I’ve always considered myself a ‘good and moral’ person and this of course flies in the face of that. Nothing physical has happened minus some hand and arm holding, but I’m very torn right now. Obviously I really like spending time with her, but I’m also not interested in some affair and potentially breaking up a marriage that also involves a small child (younger than 2).”

Liz says: First I want to address this statement: “I’ve always considered myself a ‘good and moral’ person and this of course flies in the face of that.” Finding yourself attracted to someone who happens to be married does not fly in the face of decency. We are human beings, primed to be sexual and emotional, and nature doesn’t give one iota about man-made, institutionalized social constructs like marriage. In other words, simply being attracted to someone who happened to participate in that social construct doesn’t make you a bad person.

That said, how one acts on these feelings can give others reason to judge one as ‘immoral’. A spouse who continually lies, deceitfully maintaining an affair with no intention of living authentically, gaslighting their mate who sees evidence of the affair, not giving a flying fig who they hurt in their quest to remain adulterous, would most certainly be judged as lacking decency and a moral compass. Now compare that to an unhappy spouse who finds themselves attracted to someone good for them, someone more compatible than their mate whom they married when they were too young. This spouse and the new person fall in love, and instead of having an affair the spouse moves out, starts the divorce process, and starts a new life. Context matters. How people behave when they find themselves in these situations says a lot about their character.

Note that I focus on the married person, not the single person. It is always the responsibility of the married person to maintain the marriage and not let others in if they are happily married and have no desire to divorce. If a married person has an affair, it is the married person’s fault, and it’s ridiculous misplaced anger to put it on the “home wrecker”.  Someone else can’t “wreck” a home that was happily intact. The single person didn’t make any vows of commitment, the married person did. When I was in high school, my boyfriend my junior year cheated on me with some other girl. Did I get angry with her? No, she wasn’t my boyfriend. I talked to her, we discovered some of his lies, and then we confronted him together. My point is, it is up to your married coworker to put up the healthy boundaries in order to maintain her marriage, if that is what she wants.

Which brings me to another point. Affairs are bad. Dishonesty in order to simultaneously keep your spouse and another secret relationship is wrong. So since you don’t want to be her “side dish” you also have the power to put up clear boundaries. If things progress the way they seem to, tell her (before anything sexual happens) that you have no intention in having an affair, especially because you know they have a child at home. If it isn’t the real thing, if you two aren’t falling in love but are only in lust, then it isn’t worth it. The end result can only be everyone getting hurt. That small child deserves a fully plugged-in mother, not one who is running off to sleep with someone and staying late at work to be with you instead of being home to love and care for her family.

If it is just a physical attraction, which I suspect because you don’t share any details on how much you have in common or say anything that people falling in love usually do, then it would be wrong to continue getting lunch with her and being alone with her. That “innocent” hand-holding you mentioned? Not innocent for a married person to do. You can be the first one to put up those boundaries. I know it sounds easier said than done, but it can be done. Tell her you won’t be alone with her anymore. Do whatever you can at work to distance yourself. Out of sight, out of mind. You would be saving yourself and everyone else involved a lot of heartache.

Sad couple mad at each other

J.M. wrote: “I am a 21 yr old male virgin but I am not a ”typical” male virgin; I’m reasonably popular, don’t play video games, enjoy sports, and have a toned upper body.

Also, I’m not socially awkward, and I can talk to and hold conversations with girls whether I have a crush on them or not. However I am so innocent that I genuinely don’t know how to hit on girls or make any move with them.

Also, I am worried that if I WAS in such a situation with my crush I would not know what to do. What suggestions would you have?”

Liz says: Since when does playing video games have anything to do with a male’s sexual status? Plenty of sexually active single and married men have fun with video games in their spare time. Same goes for dudes who don’t play sports, hate exercise, and have a few close friends versus a stadium of acquaintances. In other words, there’s no such thing as a typical male virgin or non-virgin. There are many guys just like you!

You’re already ahead of the other guys who are still learning how to be socially savvy and hold their own in a conversation, you just need some pointers on how to move the casual talk to a private, romantic date.

Pay attention to your instincts and her body language. When you’re talking to her, does she seem distracted or in a hurry? Does she only answer your questions and doesn’t show interest in getting to know you? Does conversation feel forced or is there a natural flow? Does she smile and make eye contact with you? These are important things to notice before asking her out.

Let me start by saying what you shouldn’t say to your love interest. I, and every chick I’ve ever known, find it a huge turn-off when the guy suggests, “We should hang out sometime” or some other variation on what sounds like something you’d say to your bros. You “hang out” with friends, you date someone you’re physically attracted to. So for the love of all things good in this world, please ask her out by saying something like “I find you funny and beautiful; I’d love to take you out” or “Since we both love basketball, I would love to take you to the Lakers game”. When it’s right, it usually happens very naturally. There’s a rapport you both sense and seeing each other in a private context feels like the next step.

Good luck, J.M.!

boy-talking-to-a-girl

 

 

Steve wrote: “I know this isn’t the kind of thing you usually discuss and I hope it’s OK to ask. Two people I know well died in the last couple of months. One was my age, a good friend since high school, and one (two days ago) was someone I did a lot of business with and spoke to nearly every day for the past ten months. He was forty and he had three kids and a wife. Both were very, very, good people and I was very sad on both occasions. But part of me feels almost relieved for them. It’s awful for their friends and family, but I can’t help feeling a sentiment I can best describe as ‘at least they don’t have to do this shit anymore’. Does this make me crazy? I’m starting to think it might.”

Liz says: No, you’re not crazy. It’s very common and normal for people to cope with loss and death in this way.

Death is terrifying for most of us. How we process that fear emotionally and mentally varies, but one of the most common ways is to try to see “the bright side”. Many people believe there’s a heavenly paradise awaiting us after death, and they are likely to say words of comfort to the bereaved like “He’s in a better place”. We also see death as a peaceful state, hence the sentiment “May she rest in peace”. Your relief that your friends ‘don’t have to do this shit anymore’ falls in line with this. You are normal.

However, I do wonder if your life has been very stressful and that’s why you’d refer to life as “this shit”. If you are dealing with a lot of hardship or depression, consider seeking the help of an experienced mental health professional who can help you find more peace and fun in life, because we shouldn’t expect peace only in death.

I’m sorry for your loss, it would be especially difficult having had two people you knew pass away in a short time.

sad man in field

Bobby McPuppet wrote: “I’m a big fan of yours. Would love it if you came back to YouTube. Anyways, I am a very submissive guy. Unlike most guys out there I don’t look to hook up with a girl. I respect them all too much that I generally don’t even approach them. I have several female friends, and they all have me figured out. They know I’m a pushover and will do mostly whatever they want.

My only sex life is watching humiliation clips online and buying things from “Princesses” off a site called ebanned. It’s an auction site that sells things that are “banned” on eBay.
And I buy the most ridiculous stuff off women there. From their garbage to stepped on food to their used flip flops or socks. I mainly do these things because I like to make women laugh. Specifically at my expense. They seem to get a kick out of seeing what stupid crap I will pay for.

So, I guess my question is: Do you think it’d be wise of me to try and find a real life relationship, given my attractions to being walked on and degraded? Or is it more likely a girl would use me for a while until she got bored and went on to something more vanilla? Should I just keep my desires to online long distance interactions?

Anyways, I think you’re a rock star and you’re hilarious too. Please keep it up.”

Liz says: Thanks Bobby McPuppet! I appreciate the kind words.

Now on to your dilemma. I find it interesting (but understandable) that you think it has to be one or the other, but not both. If you want a real relationship you can have that. It just means putting in the effort to search for the right woman for you, and learning how to be in a relationship.

I also find it interesting that you said you enjoy buying ridiculous items from these women because you like to make them laugh. Are you watching them laugh when they sell to you? Is this all happening on camera? Or is this something you imagine they do, like an evil villain laughing at their victim’s gullibility? In a real relationship you’ll get to hear that laughter all the time in person!

Here’s how you can have both: you and your partner indulge each other’s fantasies/kinks when the mood hits. You just need a lady who has dominant tendencies who will occasionally boss you around (and whatever else floats your boat) and in return if she wants to occasionally have a “normal” boyfriend you give her that side of you. With the right person and some relationship smarts this can work.

In order to find this chick, you need to get out of your head that not asking her out is being “respectful”. It’s HOW you ask a woman out that determines whether you’re being respectful. Smile, introduce yourself, and ask questions related to whatever you two have in common at the moment. At a coffee shop? Ask her what she enjoys drinking or if she’s tried their latest menu item (“Have you tried the Unicorn Frapp yet?”) You get the idea.

Being a more submissive man you feel it doesn’t come naturally to you to be the one who approaches first. Lucky for you we live in space age times where dating online makes it so much easier to be the one who initiates contact! Just be honest about what you want in a partner and who you are, that way you don’t attract women who are submissive and all wrong for you.

Good luck Mr. McPuppet!

female-domme

 

 

B.F. wrote: “Great blog, and great YouTube videos! I was researching pegging and found you. I then saw your video on how you love gay porn. My question is, what are your thoughts on bisexual porn or at least bisexual men?”

Liz says: Thanks! For anyone unaware of what videos he’s referring to, click here to watch  “All About Pegging” and “Why Do Straight Women Like Gay Porn?

I’ve never watched “bisexual” porn, as I have as much interest in watching women in porn as I do watching a barfing contest (no offense, women).

As far as my thoughts on bisexual men, what do you want to know? I’ve never dated a man who identified as bisexual, although I suspect at least a couple who just weren’t “out” yet.

Bisexual men and women have to put up with a lot of stereotyping and myths that can hurt their dating prospects. Namely, that they can’t commit to one person because one gender/sex couldn’t fulfill them, that they’re more likely to be unfaithful, and that they’re actually gay or lesbian and bisexuality doesn’t truly exist. None of these are true, at least not for everyone who is bisexual. None of these should be assumed, just like we shouldn’t assume a lesbian woman plays softball and a gay man loves theater.

Bisexuality is real and exists on the human sexual spectrum. We should do our best to accept and understand it as another sexual orientation.

Funny bisexuality meme

Dan wrote: “I have quite a few good looking female friends and while I genuinely see them as friends I have to admit something: when given the chance I find their dirty panties and sniff them. Sometimes I’ve even taken them home for later. I know I don’t see them as women I want to date, but for some reason I really get aroused from smelling the panties of women I know. So Liz do you have any insight on why I do this?”

Liz says: I think you are aroused by the natural aromas of women and you’re an opportunist. Easy access to your friend’s underwear means you’ll take what you can get when you’re not in a relationship.

Bromidrophilia is the technical term for being highly aroused by the natural body odors of attractive people. It’s harmless on its own, but many men have been caught breaking into women’s homes and stealing their panties for a home masturbatory collection. Which brings me to that part of your letter where you admit stealing your friend’s underwear. My concern is that you might become emboldened by getting away with that and graduate to stealing from strangers or other women you know. There’s nothing wrong with what turns you on, but there’s something wrong with theft.

I know you specified that it’s the panties of “women I know” that you enjoy, but given the illegal way you’ve been obtaining them have you considered getting used panties from women selling them online? Try ebanned.com. It’s a website for people over 18 years old who want to sell/buy items that eBay won’t allow them to, like used panties.

Keep in mind, many states will prosecute stealing someone’s underthings as a sex crime and you’ll be forced to register as a sex offender. It’s not worth it.

There’s also the option of admitting to one or more of your friends what turns you on and simply asking them for their panties. I know that sounds risky, but if you’re honest and even make fun of yourself in a way that shows you don’t take yourself too seriously and you recognize it might sound “creepy” to them, they might surprise you! I’ve known men who’ve asked their female friends for stuff like that (a foot fetish guy often asks his female friends for their old shoes) and they’re not in jail or shunned. Win-win!

purple thong

Steve wrote: “Hey Liz, at the risk of sounding prudish, I don’t understand how to dirty talk. During several lovemaking sessions my wife vaguely requested me to “talk dirty to her”.  And I always have no clue what to say. I have tried things like (please excuse the vulgarity) “beg me to fuck your pussy”, or “how do you like that, bitch”, which seems to be what she was going for. Often she insists that I grunt or moan, but frankly both just make me feel ridiculous, even self conscious. It’s not like I’m not having a great time. Is it abnormal to prefer silent sex and just enjoy the intimacy?”

Liz says: No, you’re not abnormal and neither is she. You both just have different desires, different ways you want to experience sex.

I can relate to both of you, actually. I know what you mean about feeling ridiculous trying things that make your partner happy but make you feel silly. Anyone who watched my YouTube video on my experience dating a guy with multiple kinks and fetishes knows this. But I can relate to your wife too, because I’m also not crazy about “lovemaking”, that slow and “romantic” way of having sex. It just feels sappy and weird to me.

I’m betting what she’s asking for from you is simply more passion. She wants to feel like you can’t wait to have her. She wants you to be more dominant.

I’m guessing (by the fact that you refer to it as “lovemaking” and that you apologized beforehand for the “vulgarity”) that you have absorbed the message from society/parents/religion/etc that there are two types of women: the kind you have “fun” with and the kind you marry. A lot of men were raised to believe “good” girls don’t do certain things like have “dirty” sex. So then these boys grow up to marry the “good” girl and now they’re like, ‘I can’t do that with my wife!’

This is why men in the past regularly had a “proper, classy” wife at home to cook and be moms, and the prostitute/concubine/mistress that they could have all the “dirty” hot sex with. I’m not saying this doesn’t happen nowadays, just that it was more accepted by society as normal back then. Fortunately, society became enlightened (for the most part) and now we understand human sexuality better.

But if this applies to you, please know that enjoying sex and wanting to be “fucked” instead of made love to doesn’t mean she is immoral, and talking dirty to her doesn’t mean you’re disrespecting her (especially because she requested it). You two might need couple’s sex counseling to undo any sex myths or gender stereotypes you’ve absorbed that are inhibiting you.

If this doesn’t apply to you and you really just have more submissive tendencies or something like that, perhaps you two could come to an agreement that is mutually beneficial. For example, 1 night a week you could role-play in a way that brings out your more dominant side and helps you feel less ridiculous talking dirty to her. Have fun with it!

good-sandy-vs-bad-sandy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. Susie Gronski interviewed me for her blog and here it is! Please check it out and subscribe to her blog for great information from the “physiotherapist for your privates”!

Interview with The Naked Advice blogger, Liz LaPoint

bw-sexy-dress

 

Liz: “What got you interested in exotic dancing? How long have you been doing it?”

Kendall Jade: “I have been dancing for a little over 3 years now! I was going to school at SVSU in 2013, and was working at an apple orchard; they kept scheduling me on hours I had classes, so I quit. One of my friends waitressed at the club and was about to start dancing, so she told me they needed to hire waitresses. A couple weeks later when I turned 18, I applied and was hired on the spot. I was dating a guy in the army who talked me into dancing about a month later because he wanted me to pay for him to visit me when he was able to take leave. Being naive, I listened to him. Come to find out it was due to a guilty conscience from cheating on me, so that was his way of “making himself feel better.” I broke up with him and kept dancing. Weirdest way to become a dancer, I know, but I’m glad it happened.”

Liz: “I heard you landed a radio gig! That’s super cool, what do you discuss? Do you have callers who ask questions?”

KJ: “Yup! I co-host a segment on The Rock Station Z93, every Thursday morning at 7am called “Unqualified Love Advice.” I promote my job a lot on social media, so we have followers send me questions, or people will send their questions to Z93’s profiles. Either way, we gather them up and answer them every week. They all range from questions such as “how do I talk my girlfriend into doing a three-some,” to “my boyfriend cheated on me, what do I do?!” It’s a great time, and the guys I do it with- Matt and Adam- are so much fun to be around.”

Liz: “What’s the biggest myth/misunderstanding about exotic dancers?”

KJ: “I feel like the biggest misconception about dancers is that we “lack self respect.” If anything, it’s given us more respect for ourselves. It teaches us confidence, how to defend ourselves, and that we are in control of our bodies.”

Liz: “You grew up in a small town. How do you think that has influenced you now?”

KJ:I would like to think that growing up in a small town has made me more open to new experiences. My hometown is gorgeous, but staying sheltered is just going to keep me from enjoying life. You kinda get used to seeing the same people or activities going on everyday, I have too many plans for my future to live in the same town all of my life. Maybe one day when I’m settled down I would move back though.”

Liz: “I agree, small towns can be too isolating. What is the biggest pro and biggest con of exotic dancing?”

KJ:The biggest pro of dancing, in my own experience, is the opportunities it has provided for me. Such as: learning pole tricks has given me the body I’ve always dreamed of. Modeling and photoshoot fun, the radio show, and so much more. The biggest con is having to explain to people I’m not a prostitute. I understand the bad stigma, but I believe when somebody asks me about “extras,” it reflects more negatively on who they are as a person, and not my job.”

Liz: “Have you had to deal with any judgment or ostracizing from family or friends?”

KJ: “Yes! Most of my family and friends were very supportive and understanding of my job. The people closest to me know that I would never go down the wrong path with dancing, or the “stereotypes” of drug use and prostitution. I hate to be known as the dancer with “daddy issues,” because unfortunately it’s true in my case. My father stopped talking to me when I told him where I worked. It was very hard at first, I felt like a horrible excuse of a daughter. After a couple weeks I woke up one day and said to myself, and excuse my language, ‘fuck that shit. I was honest with him about what I do, and this is just something I need to deal with.’ I didn’t know him well growing up, and when I ended up living with him in my high school years, we didn’t spend much time truly bonding. I will always love my father, and was upset with myself that I had disappointed him, but his biggest issue is assuming that I was involved with drugs or prostitution. I was almost disappointed in him that he didn’t give me time to prove myself, but then again, I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anyone who doesn’t want to believe in me or at least accept my choices. Anyone else who hasn’t liked me dancing, in due time has realized how serious I take this job. He now believes that I didn’t have to dance to receive the opportunities I’ve gotten from it, such as the radio show. I understand and respect why he is upset, and don’t try to get in contact with him as he wished. Hopefully one day he will also understand and respect me, though. I don’t want to sit here and talk badly about him, because my Dad truly is a wonderful man, very talented, knowledgeable, and hard working. I just wonder if we had more in common to bond over when I lived with him, if that would’ve changed his view? Will he talk to me again only when I’m done dancing? How will that conversation go? I have no idea, but I always hope the best for him and hope he is healthy, happy, and just knows that I am as well.”

Liz: “I think it’s great that women realized what a great workout dancing with a pole is and all these pole-dancing exercise classes popped up in all the major cities! What were the physical/health benefits to your job?”

KJ: “I lightly mentioned earlier how this job has given me the body I dreamed of, and it’s all from hard work! I actually bought a pole off of Amazon, put it in my living room, and watched YouTube tutorials on how to do pole tricks. I read somewhere before that practicing the pole for 45 minutes- even if it’s just flipping upside down or something- is the equivalent to a 3 hour full body work out. I burned off a ton of fat at first then gained back weight in muscle. Because I’m so short, I always joke around and call myself “a little muscular sausage.” Hahahaha! When I give couch dances, I also move my body in certain positions that workout my core. It’s pretty insane though, I watch new dancers all of the time shed weight from dancing. Going on stage multiple times a night and giving so many dances, even walking in the heels, will definitely tone up the body.”

Liz: “What’s the craziest/funniest thing that’s happened during a shift at work?”

KJ: “Oh goodness, there are so many situations I’ve been in during work that would fit into this, I’m not even sure what to use for my answer! I’ve seen things from a girl’s wig falling off on stage, the falls we’ve taken in our heels, guys that are too drunk throwing up in couch dances, to finding customers asleep in a VIP room after the club has closed. Hahaha. You never know what to expect at this job, every night is a new adventure.”

Liz: “What is the typical personality profile of a guy who comes to your club? Are they usually cool or do they often get too drunk and try to climb onstage, lol.”

KJ: “I guess it depends on what day of the week it is! Usually Sundays- Wednesday are pretty slow nights, the calmer customers come in, mostly regulars. Thursday– Saturday is more of the “after party scene.” Either way, there are more respectful men that come in opposed to disrespectful, but we always keep our guard up. Most men don’t try to push their luck until theyre actually getting a dance. Usually the drunken customers are still pretty respectful, just want to have a good time. It’s insane to meet so many people because everyone has such different personalities.”

Liz: “Are there any unexpected ways exotic dancing has changed you or your life perspectives?”

KJ: “Dancing has changed a lot of views on things for me. Like I said before, self respect is a huge one. Also meeting so many different type of men has also taught me what I deserve in a guy. After all of this time I’ve learned what I deserve from a man when it comes to dating, even. There are men that come into my workplace and bow down to me, and others that treat me like a piece of meat. I feel like I’ve learned to detect bullshit or honesty very well which has reflected into who I will involve myself in my personal life. If I date a guy and he lacks respect or treats me like some of the men I meet at work (In a bad way) then I won’t deal with it. It’s taught me how to stick up for myself more. I also used to be a very jealous person, whether it was jealous in relationships or envious of other people. Working this job has taught me to love who I am and be okay with the fact that everyone’s beauty standards are different. I feel like the more confidence someone has, the less they want to be like everyone else. I’ve always been a really caring and non judgmental person, but from the amount of different people I meet, it’s made me care even more. You never know why someone comes into the club, and the moments when it’s just to vent about life or have a shoulder to cry on, makes you realize everyone has their own demons to fight. All of my conversations are genuine with customers, and outside of the club I try to make sure I can also be “that shoulder” to anyone who needs it- friends, family, acquaintances, etc. 

I’ve also learned to be more generous, especially financially. Some people make what I make in a night, in two weeks. That’s why you will never see me flaunt my money on social media or hear my talking about it. This is actually one of the first times I’ve ever talked about it to be honest hahaha I just don’t think anything positive comes out of flaunting, but I would rather give my last $200 to someone behind on their rent, or needs groceries, or needs to pay their phone bill, knowing that I could make it back faster. I’m really not trying to brag at all, because I have struggles too when the club is slow, but it doesn’t make me feel good seeing someone struggle and walking past it. I’ve been in times like that, and it’s not fun. Also, I’ve learned how to accept rejection, and even patience. And a good work ethic in general, due to the fact the money we make is from our own “hustle.””

Liz: “What do you enjoy doing when you’re not at work?”

KJ: “I would like to consider myself a “normal girl” when I’m not working. Some friends of mine still call me “Kendall” outside of work, which I look at as a nickname. Actually, it comes in handy when I’m at a bar or something and don’t want to give out my real name, haha. But anyway, I try my best to catch up on sleep. I go into each work weekend knowing I won’t be able to sleep well, due to long hours at night and having to wake up early to do it all over again. I also like to work on art, or make cover songs on my ukulele.

When I’m not at work, I still need to keep up on my social media, so I still try to post on those. Everyone always wants to see our “crazy lives” but we really are just your average person. Run errands, cure boredom with hobbies, binge watch Netflix, spend time with friends; just like anyone else.”

Liz: “What advice would you give a woman considering becoming an exotic dancer?”

KJ: “There’s quite a few pieces of advice I give to dancers when they first start out or are thinking of starting out, so buckle your seat belt.

– You’re not ugly, and you’re not “too fat.” Every guy has a different preference in women. I’ve even been told I’m “too muscular” or “too intimidating” because of my body. That’s just part of the job though, rejection. 
– Keep pushing, no matter how bad your feet hurt. The biggest pain (pun intended) of starting to dance is breaking in heels and your body getting bruised as easy as a bad banana. From purple knees due to floor work on stage, to literall blistering and blood on your feet, you need to keep going. Any minute you take your heels off as relief, or miss work to let your body heal, makes the healing process longer. It’s a long 3-4 weeks of pain and bruising. My feet are scarred up and ugly, but hey, so are ballerinas!
– this job is not only physically tolling, but also emotionally and mentally. Like I said, you’re going to be rejected, you’re going to deal with rude customers, pushy customers, long nights, and sometimes nights where you don’t leave with more than $50. It’s not your fault. You just need to pick yourself up, come back into work the next day, and never stop the hustle. 
– Nobody started out perfect. It took me a year and a half to do the pole tricks I do today, and over two years to get the body I have. Just from giving dances a girl will lose weight very fast, so if you are self conscious, I promise you will lose weight. But mostly, we didn’t all start out knowing how to dance on stage, in the couches, or even how to talk to customers! You pick it up as you go, just have faith in yourself and pay attention to what the other girls are doing (as far as how they approach customers and ask for dances.)
– you’re not here to make friends. Now, there definitely is room to make friendships at a club, for example my best friend is my coworker haha. But remember everyone is there to work. A lot of dancers forget they were a new girl once too, and now feel they have “seniority.” Screw that, ignore anything negative they may say about you. You’ll be respected faster and more respected in the long run by doing your own thing and not giving into drama. 
– KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Know your rights as a dancer, in the contract, and know your prostitution laws. Some customers try to say things like “it’s okay if I touch you here,” and if you don’t want them to or know it’s illegal, you are under NO obligation to let them do so. 
– I can promise you, you don’t need to give into any sort of prostitution to make good money. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s all about the way you carry yourself, talk, your charm, and the impression you leave. 
-Never give out your real name and personal information, and NEVER leave the club with a customer, no matter how much money they offer to “hangout at their house, it won’t be weird I promise,” or “let me pick you up for dinner, what’s your address?” NEVER EVER EVER. 
-Always carry around a handbag for your money. There’s some sketchy people out there. 
-Leave your problems at the door. Customers can tell when you’re upset or in a bad mood. They don’t want to dance with a girl who’s obviously angry or frustrated, and don’t want to hear about any drama or problems. You have to remember that we are fantasies to them and it’s an important thing to uphold. 
All In all, this job really is a lot of fun. It seems like a lot to keep in mind, but it comes naturally after you get used to everything. I have plans for a future career, but I know that leaving dancing will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do. I’ve made such amazing relationships with so many people, I’ve learned so many things, and I know one day I’ll look back at it all and have so many memories to be thankful for. I guess the craziest thing is, I never thought I would be where I am today because of this job. Take chances, put yourself out there, and most of all, do what makes YOU happy; that’s the biggest piece of advice I could ever give… to anyone.”
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Kendall Jade

G.S. wrote: “I love what you do on your blog. I am a naturist/nudist but I am still turned on by wanting to do CFnm situations (single so I can’t). Even though as I wrote I am so used to seeing naked females, I want to see them in control of me (with her and maybe her fellow girlfriends there, too). Is this normal for males to be turned on doing CFnm things?”

Liz says: Normal for a man with sexually submissive tendencies? Yes. For those who might be unaware, CFnm stands for Clothed Female/naked male. In the domination and submission world, the Dominatrix and his or her pronouns/title are often (but not always) capitalized to show authority and the submissive’s pronouns/titles are lowercase to symbolize they’re beneath the Domme.

In this case, CFnm refers to parties in which Clothed Females are served by naked men. The nude subs will act as bartenders, waiters, and butlers who are at the women’s beck and call. The subs will give foot massages, do some cleaning, and even act as furniture. Sexual activity may or may not occur, depending on the participants or the host’s rules.

So, GS, I can see why you’d be into this if you’re into Female Domination, and whether or not you’re a nudist is irrelevant. But there are a couple of things you say in your letter that I’m not sure I understand: why do you say you can’t participate in CFnm because you’re “single”? And why do you specify a “her”? Who is “her”? I don’t see that pronoun in reference to someone specific in your letter, like a girlfriend or someone you know.

Anyway, you wanted to know if your desire is normal and I’m here to say yes it is! Even for people who don’t identify as sexually submissive or dominant, elements of S&M are present in many people’s fantasies, role-playing, and regular sexual activities.

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