The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

Someone who’s a great dancer is going to be good in bed.”

Tessa and I had just arrived at The Bounce, wearing little clothes and big hair, and immediately descended upon the bartenders. Tessa and I got our cocktails and stood by the dance floor, sipping and eyeing the man candy. We were 21 years old, so we had to get tipsy to rid ourselves of the inhibitions that normally made us wallflowers. Rob Base’s “It Takes Two” was blaring. Was this Flashback Night?

“See that cute guy in the corner over there?” Tessa shouted, even though I was right next to her. I shouted back, “The one grinding all over that chick?” Tessa nodded while sipping her rum and Coke. “You can tell he’s great in bed because he knows how to dance. It’s all about knowing how to move your body”, she explained.

We’ve all heard this one, but is it true? Can you ascertain how good someone will be as a sex partner by how good they are as a dancer?

On paper, I can see the connection people are making. Professional dancers have acquired an insane ability to be flexible, coordinated, and agile, which naturally one would assume could help during bedroom acrobatics. Having a good sense of rhythm could mean also knowing how to move your body in sync with another’s. And shedding inhibitions to groove to the music can be seen as evidence of an outgoing, uninhibited personality (although in some cases I think it’s just evidence of drunkenness). The reality, though, is that there’s much more to being considered great in the sex department than the physicality involved.

What will make you come away from a roll in the hay thinking ‘That was the hottest sex ever’ depends, of course, on your own personal quirks and preferences. If someone is a good dancer, does that tell you if they love to have sex in the shower as much as you do? Does the ability to dance like one of the Jabbawockeez tell someone if you have a foot fetish, whether or not you like to receive oral sex, or if you’re a good kisser? Sexual compatibility cannot be deduced from watching someone’s dance moves.

Knowing your conquest has good dance skills doesn’t tell you if there will be chemistry between you either, and nothing can substitute for sexual chemistry.

To be a great sex partner, one must acquire character traits that are also conducive to being a great relationship partner. Someone who is unselfish, giving as well as receiving, is important. Being an excellent listener and a having a desire to make your partner happy is crucial. Having an open-minded attitude about trying new things can be a huge plus for more adventurous, easily bored types. Are any of these traits observable when witnessing your date’s sultry, rhythmic dancing? Of course not.

Let me share with you my personal experiences with this stereotype. I once dated a professional dancer, someone who also did some singing too. He was very good-looking, fit, and smart. It was not a love match, but before we figured this out we had slept together a few times and let me just tell you, without a doubt, he was NOT great in bed. When I would tell Chance* what to do downtown, it went through one ear and out the other. I had to repeat myself. “A little lighter…not as rough…go lighter with your tongue…” How many times does a woman have to tell you what to do before you get it? It’s a common mistake with less experienced guys to give oral sex the same way they like to receive it. Chicks, for the most part, prefer a lighter touch, but men can get off with rougher handling.

On the opposite spectrum was Morris*, with whom I had potent sexual chemistry. We didn’t last for other reasons, but I’d be a crazy woman to say he was bad in the bedroom department. You know what he was bad at? You guessed it.

If you do have great sex with someone capable of busting a move on the dance floor without looking ridiculous, I think it’s safe to say you can attribute their sexual skills to something other than their dance skills.

*Names were changed to protect the guilty 😉

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