The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

Curious asked: “What are your thoughts on couples watching porn together as foreplay? I think it could be a fun thing to do, but I’m nervous about asking my partner.”

Liz says: Of course it could be fun! As long as the porn is mutually enjoyable, meaning you don’t surprise your partner by playing something they may find repulsive, watching it together can be really exciting.

Approach the topic when the timing is right, like after great sex, and ask your partner what they’d like to watch if they’re down with the idea. Then you two can have fun alternating between being amused at the bad ones and being turned on by the good ones.

If you’re nervous because you’re afraid your partner will be offended by the suggestion, quell their fears by explaining your most honorable intentions and include that you still find them a turn-on and the porn isn’t necessary to get excited. Being open to trying new things can add fun and spice, but most of us draw the line somewhere, so if your partner isn’t crazy about the porn suggestion that doesn’t mean they’ll knock down every idea you have.

It’s important to keep in mind that porn is all about fantasy, so there’s a lot of wildly unrealistic stuff going down. To expect real sex between intimate partners to replicate the fantasies portrayed is naive, so it’s best to remember that when you watch someone having sex upside-down while also playing the flute, it doesn’t represent reality.

Couples watching porn together is more common than many people think. For example, one study showed 59% of women have watched porn while having sex with their partner, while some therapists and psychologists say it can be a boon to a couple’s sex life.

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