Anonymous Gal said: “I have been in a relationship with a married man for 6 years. I tried to forget him and move on in my life but he won’t let me go. He says he loves me and if he loses me that will be his biggest loss in life. I don’t want to hurt his wife and kids, I don’t want to hurt my parents. He always tells me that there is a future for us and we will be together one day. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t imagine myself with someone else.”
Liz says: Please hear me right now: This is a dead end relationship. You are being strung along (6 years!) and if he really loved you and wanted to live an honest life with integrity he would’ve gotten a divorce a long time ago. This is not a quality man. Get out NOW before you waste any more time waiting!
There are countless women who have been in your shoes and they wish they had stopped being 2nd best sooner than they did. Some of those women wasted their youth and energy waiting for him to leave his wife, and ended up bitter, angry, and childless because they wasted their most fertile years. You are better than this! You deserve someone who will jump at the chance to be only with you! Don’t believe his words—think about his actions. Do his actions tell you he loves you? The answer should be an obvious “no”. Love would’ve made you #1 a long time ago.
And he said his “biggest loss in life” would be his girlfriend and not, I don’t know, maybe his CHILDREN? He’s either lying or a sociopath. This should be a huge Red Flag to you. He’s either lying to manipulate you, or he really doesn’t love his kids. Yikes. Not to mention the obvious: if you are so important to him that losing you is a concern, why the fuck hasn’t he made you #1 yet? If losing the wife doesn’t concern him, why hasn’t he divorced her yet?
Take back your power and cease all communication with him. It’s up to you to take control of your life—don’t give it to him by saying he “won’t let” you go. And it’s time to start focusing on whatever hobbies and passions keep life interesting and fun for you, and other men who share those same interests will materialize. The next thing you know, you’ll have an awesome new boyfriend and be looking back on the 6 years with Mr. Bad News and thank your lucky stars you reclaimed your life when you did.