K.J. asked: “I met a cute girl at the bar this weekend when I was hanging with friends. She seemed interested in me, since she was always smiling and asking me questions. I was drunk but I told her that she was cute and asked for her number. But instead she just said I should add her on Facebook. So I messaged her yesterday and she still hasn’t replied, even though she has already seen it and accepted my friend request. Now I’m sitting here feeling like shit. This has happened to me so many times, I’m beginning to question my personality.”
Liz says: It’s actually a good thing that you are questioning your personality or pick-up methods! Not because there’s anything necessarily wrong with you, but because it denotes that you are intelligent and humble enough to be open to introspection and growth. The guys who protect their fragile egos by not being open to the possibility that they themselves might need to brush up on their social skills are the ones who lose out because they are the ones who become bitter, lonely, old guys. We all have known that jaded, middle-aged man who likes to say he prefers to be alone because “Women are crazy”. As long as you’re always open to self-improvement, you aren’t going to be that guy!
It’s possible that being drunk when you two chatted made her think you just wanted a hook-up or that it may have made you appear less-than trustworthy. If she hasn’t responded to you yet, you should probably move on. Decide to be the kind of guy who deserves someone who would be excited to get to know you and go out with you instead of making you wait.
Since I don’t know you I can’t give you any insight as to what mistakes you might be making when you chat up girls you’re interested in, but keep in mind it might not be anything you are doing but simply a matter of physical attraction. Maybe you just weren’t her type!
You might benefit from joining social meet-up groups, where everyone is bonding over like-minded activities/beliefs/goals. That way, you automatically have something in common with the person you’re interested in, as opposed to meeting her in a bar where you’re mostly responding to just a physical attraction. Check out meetup.com if you haven’t already, and good luck!