The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

Jonathan asked:My question is concerning anal sex. What are your thoughts about it? Would you consider it a “normal” sexual act, or more of a taboo? What about the reported possible risks to health? Do they hold any merit? I have also heard that anal sex is actually more pleasurable for men than it is for women because of the “male g-spot”; i.e. the prostate. Have you had any experience with a past relationship with male anal play?”

Liz says: I think in general our culture still regards anal sex as a taboo, although not a “deviant” one necessarily. Most men don’t readily admit to either wanting to explore it or to already enjoying the deed, as homophobic attitudes still influence men’s choices, unfortunately. While society might consider it taboo, taboo is not synonymous with abnormal, sick, or amoral. Most sexologists agree that it can be part of a healthy sex life, with a few precautions of course. Just like vaginal and oral sex, there’s STI risks. And just like with vaginal and oral sex, condoms can prevent the transmission of STIs during anal sex.

What are my thoughts on it? As a woman, I never had any interest in it. Pain has never been a desirable aspect of sex for me. I only had two boyfriends who ever expressed interest in it and I held firm in my position that the only man who would ever get to try that out with me is my future husband. In a sense, I was “saving myself” for marriage. Why would I risk pain, hemorrhoids, tears, and anal incontinence (although rare) for just anyone?

There are some women who say they love anal sex though, and can actually orgasm easier during anal than during vaginal sex. (It’s important to note that it is still clitoral stimulation that leads to their orgasms, not the anal penetration.) Different strokes for different folks!

Experts say pain can be reduced by massaging the anus first, using enough lube, and finding a position that allows the recipient to relax. And Captain Obvious had this to add: mindfully easing the penis or finger into it is better than ramming them in. 😮

It’s true that the prostate is the “male G-Spot” and massaging it can bring a guy to orgasm. It’s not just for gay men! Plenty of hetero guys enjoy using dildos while masturbating or having their women plow them with fingers or strap-ons (they just might not admit it). Similar to male nipples being an under-appreciated erogenous zone, many dudes just haven’t discovered yet how much pleasure can be had anally. This 2-year study found that 44% of their straight male participants have had anal sex at least once.

Bottom line (no pun intended), if you’re interested in trying this out, don’t let rigid definitions of masculinity keep you from exploring it.

I hope I could help!

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