L. Doe wrote: “I am a 44-year-old white male, self employed with 4 children ages 3 through 16. My wife is a nurse and a great mother, she is 38 years old. My wife has had 15 other sexual male partners before me. I have had around 26 female partners.
We are both attractive, educated, clean people who are raising a great family.
However I have this fantasy of having my wife have sex with other men. I don’t consider myself a cuckold, I don’t want to be humiliated or submissive. I have no desire to have any bisexual or homosexual activity. I do not want to eat sperm out of my wife’s vagina.
The thought of my wife having sex with another man turns me on so much that it is hard to explain. I told my wife, she thinks I am crazy and thinks it is swinging. I do not want other women. It controls me some days and I think about it often. My wife says yes and then no. I need some venue or delivery message to her explaining that It maybe odd but it could be fun. Is there anyway you could help.
Liz says: Sexual exploration within marriage can be fun and healthy, as long as it’s not at the expense of what’s important to both of you (and as long as it doesn’t involve non-consenting victims, of course). It sounds like your wife isn’t totally closed off to the idea, but maybe just needs more information as to what exactly you’re asking of her.
You can compromise by letting her have control over who is picked and how often it is planned. You could go through cuckolding forums together or look for willing Bulls together online. If after learning more about your particular desires she still feels it’s “crazy”, then you should accept it’s not for her. It’s not healthy for one partner to feel coerced into doing sexual activities just to make their partner happy.
Cuckolding activities can be part of a happy couple’s repertoire if both are enjoying them safely, as there are plenty of risks involved that should be discussed beforehand. Maybe your wife is simply concerned about STIs, the possibility of an unintended pregnancy, feeling used by a man she’s not actually attracted to, or even being turned on by the other man in front of your eyes. Not to mention, bringing a virtual stranger into the bedroom risks being raped, robbed, killed, etc. Your children’s safety needs to come first, so if you two do go ahead with this please don’t bring it into your home.
All that said, there’s an alternative your wife might be okay with. Why not play out your fantasies in the bedroom without actually involving other men? She can whisper in your ear stories of having sex with other men while having sex with you (or even during the day to arouse you, as foreplay), or you could tell her your fantasies during sex.
It’s a bit worrisome that you say that “it controls me some days”. That’s somewhat vague. What exactly does that mean? Are you saying you daydream about it so much you can’t focus on your work, or that it affects your moods and how you treat your loved ones?
Read this link to see if you recognize yourself as possibly having a problem: DSM5 on hypersexual disorders
Good luck and hopefully it all works out for both of you 😉