S.B. asks: “Currently been seeing someone for quite a few years but she’s real basic: no drinking, no partying, hates my friends somewhat, hates things I like to do. But if I need help she’s there and she helps with finances but I just don’t really love her. Now I have a really good friend in a town nearby who will be getting a divorce soon and wants to move to where I live. She’s the life of the party, enjoys going out and doing what I like and she’s perfect for me. Also, another girl wants me to move up north to spark up an old relationship but she won’t move downstate and I would have to give up a 6 figure+ job to move near her. Should I stay with the one I have now or wait for the second one to move by me?”
Liz says: Your question is interesting because you didn’t include the old flame who wants you to move upstate. That tells me she’s not really an option you’re considering, and I think that’s probably a good thing. Who wants to give up a well-paying job they’re happy at to move near someone who wouldn’t consider moving for them?
So that leaves the other two ladies. It sounds to me like you probably should have broken up with the one you’ve “currently been seeing for a few years” a while ago. Firstly, after a certain time dating you should’ve moved from describing her as someone you’ve “been seeing” to your girlfriend. Generally, we describe someone we’ve been seeing as someone who is new in our lives and love hasn’t developed yet, someone we are still getting to know. So this language choice signifies you’ve never felt anything strong for her and there isn’t a commitment from you, never mind that you say she’s “basic”. There’s a tone of contempt for her that I pick up on. Anyway, a few years is long enough to know whether someone’s a keeper or someone to let go (hell, even one year is long enough). Not to mention, it sounds like you two have barely anything in common! Don’t be that person who uses someone until someone “better” comes along, just because he doesn’t want to be alone.
So, on to the divorcée. You describe her as a “friend” and don’t say anything about a romance brewing there. Do you two flirt, talk about dating each other, or anything like that? Maybe you’re simply planning on trying to strike up a romance once she’s relocated. The potential for this relationship to turn into more is there, so I vote for giving this one a chance. I just hope for you she also wants the same thing, but be aware there’s a possibility that she will just want time to heal and be on her own, since she’s fresh out of a marriage.
Good luck, S.B.!