The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

C.M. asked: “So here’s the question. How does someone know if they’re good in bed?

Here’s why I ask. I’m well endowed, #BigDickProblems and all that, and most women are impressed with my size.

Actual comments about me:
“Damn boy, I thought you were big, but not that big!”
(Her talking to friends) “He made me feel like a virgin again!”

So my problem isn’t size.

I’ve also heard many times that I’m attractive. But knowing and understanding are two totally different things. So, this just could be a self confidence thing, but this gives me the chance to talk to an attractive woman, (yes, hi Terry) so yeah. *shrug*

But, I don’t get any feedback about how they like, don’t like, or what I could do better/differently. Not even if they liked it. So I have no clue if I’m actually ‘good’ or they just like ‘him’. Lack of conversation also a main reason for most of the ends of relationships for me. No talking, and then nothing… Also, why I have a hard time getting into relationships…

So, anyways, back to the question at hand. How does one know if they’re any good in the sack, without any feedback?”

Liz says: You say that you don’t get any feedback from your lovers, but you don’t mention if you ask.

Oftentimes, your partner will assume their body language, satisfied moans, etc during sex will be enough to communicate that they think you’re great in bed. And if you don’t hear directions repeated, that’s a good sign, too. Someone who listens and figures out how to do what their partner wants is usually considered great in bed. Some might assume that a partner who returns for more obviously considers you great in the sack, but that’s not necessarily true. Sometimes people return for more even though they find the sex mediocre because they are lonely, using you as a rebound while healing from a break-up, or they’re hoping the sex will improve over time because they like everything else about you.

But sometimes you just have to ask! “Is there anything I do in bed that turns you off?” “What would you like me to do more of in bed?” Initiate a conversation when the time is right and be open to sharing your opinions, too. The point is to learn if there’s anything that needs improvement, not just to hear ego-stroking compliments.

I’m curious why there’s a “lack of conversation” in your relationships. You’re clearly smart enough to know that it’s a necessary component of the kind of intimacy that leads to commitment and long-term pairings. Maybe you think you want a serious relationship but subconsciously don’t, so you wind up sabotaging those efforts by hooking up with chicks that are less intelligent than you are, or less educated, or much younger than you are and therefore less ready for commitment?

Your communication skills are evident in your letter, so I don’t get the impression that you can’t hold your own in conversation, but do you allow yourself to be vulnerable by opening up and sharing intimate knowledge about yourself? Do you even date women you’d want to bond with like that?

You’re already light years ahead of some dudes by simply wanting to know if you’re a good sex partner. Many guys with #BigDickProblems assume their size is enough!





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