The Naked Advice

with Model & Writer Liz LaPoint

A. T. wrote: “I have a girlfriend who only recently we have started having sex. She is 35, I am 34, and I was her first. We are finally at the stage now where we are finally trying new things.

My biggest issue right now is I am struggling to cum during sex. She is on the pill so we don’t use condoms at all. She also has no problem at all getting wet. I find in the lead up I am hard as a rock but when it comes to doing it I really have to work hard to climax, I have no problem at all when she gives me a handjob. She has no problems getting to orgasm with me during sex or oral sex.

What’s been happening is that I have been faking orgasm at the end just so I can enjoy an orgasm with a handjob an hour later. I really don’t want this to become a habit, I want to be able to enjoy sex and not make it a chore, especially if in the future we plan to have kids.

I do have some kinky fetishes which you have talked about in your youtube channel but there is no way I would ever bring them up to her, I find if I struggle to cum I put images in my head of those fetishes.

If you have any advice for me at all to enjoy sex and be able to climax much easier I would love to hear.”

Liz says: I’m unsure if you’re saying you can’t orgasm at all during intercourse, or if it’s just rare, but I suspect you’ve conditioned your penis (from masturbation) to need a strong grip and a lot of friction, things a vagina might not be able to provide for you to the degree necessary for you to orgasm. But there’s good news! You can train your penis to appreciate your GF’s vagina!

If you’ve become used to masturbating dry or with a super tight grip, start masturbating with a lot of lubrication and relax your grip. You might not orgasm at first, but eventually mimicking what vaginal intercourse feels more like should do the trick.

I once had a male friend who told me about being a virgin before having sex with his ex-girlfriend, and he was unable to orgasm with her. He wondered to me if it was because he was so used to his “death grip” while rubbing one out alone, and if that kept him from enjoying intercourse. In other words, you’re not alone. This is actually a fairly common thing.

Since you mention your GF is taking oral contraceptives, it’s probably not because you worry about an unintended pregnancy. Unless, it’s about trust? Maybe you secretly still worry because you don’t know if you can trust that she takes her pills responsibly, or even at all? If that’s the case, it’s time to evaluate the relationship and determine its future. Both parties are responsible for preventing an unintended pregnancy, of course, but I hesitate to suggest you start using condoms, because you shouldn’t be having sex with her anymore anyway if you have serious trust issues.

You also brought up your fetishes. Maybe you feel guilty about needing to fantasize while having sex with her? Don’t. The sooner you release your feelings of shame/guilt, the more your sex life will improve. The truth is, many people utilize fantasy during sex (with or without fetishes) and there is nothing wrong with that!

I hope I could help, A.T!

 

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