The Graduate wrote: “I’m about to graduate college and my bf of 4 years already has a job in Cali. Super happy for him, super stressed for me. I feel like our relationship relies on whether I get a job in Cali. And when I ask him where he sees us going he says that we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I told him I want to stay with him, he hasn’t said he doesn’t want to stay with me. But my nerves are fried. It’s one thing to find a job, it’s another to find a job to maintain a relationship. What would you do?”
Liz says: As you can see by the title I chose, the time to cross that bridge is NOW, before you find a job and move to California. You need to solidify where your relationship stands, in clear, forthright communication, before uprooting your life.
You told him you want to “stay with him”, but then you say he “hasn’t said he doesn’t want to stay with me”. So he didn’t tell you the feeling is mutual? He didn’t respond with the same positive confidence? Not good. That combined with the fact that he brushed off your attempt to discuss your future together should tell you he’s not fully committed.
It’s understandable after college to want to start your life fresh somewhere new, and beginning that new life single is often part of that plan. Since he didn’t outright ask you to move with him, I’m betting this is the case.
So to answer your question, I would not even consider looking for jobs in California to move with someone who hasn’t even made it clear he wants me to!