S.H. wrote: “So I’m wondering if I should talk to my girlfriend about putting me in a chastity device. She has very vanilla taste (I talked to her about pegging when we started dating 3 years ago, which was an emphatic no). The reasons behind wanting chastity is multi-faceted. First, I’m in outside sales so I travel a lot and it would take away any temptation to stray. Second, it’s hot knowing she would be in control that way (I’m in control all the time in every aspect of my life). Third, I masturbate a lot, sometimes 3-4 times a day. We don’t have sex a lot because I think it takes my desire away. How can I bring this up and not make it awkward after almost 4 years of dating?”
Liz says: The fact that having sex with your lady “takes your desire away”, you’re interested in pegging, and you’d love to have her put you in a chastity device tells me you’re into Female Domination. You’re turned on by the chase, the submission to another, the control of a sexual interest making you wait and making you beg. So the question is, can your current girlfriend be this for you?
Don’t worry about it being awkward to propose this role-playing with her. After almost 4 years, discussing anything pertaining to your sex lives together shouldn’t be awkward. If you two don’t feel comfortable opening up to each other like this, something isn’t right. It could be incompatibility, or it could be one of you has some work to do on learning how to develop intimacy in a romantic relationship.
Substituting your hand for your girlfriend too often on a daily basis can’t be helping the intimacy between you, either. How does she feel about that?
While it’s a clue that your girlfriend isn’t up for making you call her Mistress when she refused to peg you, I think you should open up completely about your desires. That means you be honest, descriptive, and explain that this is role-playing. In other words, this is something fun that would be a huge turn-on for you. If she finds any of it repulsive or simply refuses to consider it, then you probably have a compatibility issue and you both should discuss your future together. If she prefers to be with a man whose “vanilla” sexual tastes are more in line with her own and you prefer a more dominating personality, then you’re both cheating yourselves by staying together.