The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

“Steve” wrote:I recently discovered your YouTube channel and I love your approach to all sorts of sociological and psychological issues. I’m a straight male, happily married for 4 years. My wife and I are observant Jews and each other’s first sexual partners. Something I did not know about myself is that I love anal penetration (perhaps I have an anal fetish?). My wife is very close-minded to anal play and I’m really embarrassed to ask her. Often while I have sex I will fantasize about being pegged and have difficulty reaching orgasm, which makes her upset, possibly because she feels insecure. I will wait until she has come and gone to sleep, and then I’ll anally masturbate and orgasm myself. I really want to incorporate this into our sex life but the few times I brought up the idea of anal play she made it clear that she does not like the idea of this activity. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!”

Liz says: I decided to look into Jewish sex rules because I’m neither a Rabbi nor a theology student. I discovered several websites that revealed the same things to me: Judaism doesn’t see sex as inherently “sinful” or dirty, and both vaginal and anal sex is permitted. Good to know! (Click here to read about Kosher Sex)

Your wife might be uninterested in exploring anal sex with you because she’s assuming certain things, like that it’s a sign you’re secretly gay or your poo will end up all over her. So my first suggestion would be to gather some reliable information from people experienced in this kind of bedroom fun so if she has those concerns when you discuss it next time, you’ll be armed with some knowledge that might allay her fears.

For example, if she thinks it’s a “gay thing” explain to her that stimulating the prostate gland can enhance your orgasms, and has nothing to do with sexual orientation. All orientations can enjoy it. It’s who you fall in love with and who you’re sexually attracted to that determines orientation.

Second, get over being embarrassed to ask her. You’re a married adult, and that means being totally open with each other and sharing your most intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when it comes to anything that involves your sex lives together. Whatever mishaps or disappointments occur while experimenting, they will all be bonding moments to learn from and memories to laugh over.

Third, consider implementing anal sex toys! If you introduce some to her that you have interest in using, she might become more open to trying them on you. 😉

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