The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

William wrote:I am in high school, just finishing my freshman year. l am attending a very prestigious, all boys school. I am very bad at talking to girls in general. I am in ‘The Freshman Drama’ (a parody of Law and Order) and there is this girl I sort of like but I can’t talk to her that much, and when I see attractive girls on the train I can’t talk to them. I was in love once but I was stabbed in the back, it took me 7 years to tell her that I liked her. Can you please tell me how to talk to girls in general, because I want to talk to them. All of my friends are really adept at talking to girls, and I am bad at this.”

Liz says: This is why I’m not a fan of schools segregating the sexes. A coed educational environment allows the sexes to interact and observe each other in varying social situations. You learn that the other sex isn’t this mysterious creature; you see each other as being more alike than different.

So the first thing to know is that you have more in common with girls than you probably realize. It’s these commonalities that you should look for and focus on. Use anything that you can relate to as a spring board for conversation. That girl you “sort of like” from the play you’re both performing in–use the play, your love for acting, and whatever else related to that commonality to start talking to her!

This applies to girls that you don’t know that you spot in public places. For example, I was in a coffee shop when a man approached me and he used the fact that we were both in a coffee shop to start conversation. He asked me what I was drinking and conversation went from there!

It’s understandable that your heartbreak has made you less confident about talking to girls you’re interested in. But you have to take that experience as a learning lesson and grow from there. It’s called emotional resilience: knowing you are strong enough to evolve and work through emotional pain. Focus on the things you like about yourself, and eventually a painful memory will be a thing of the past.

Here’s another tip: remember to keep everything in balance, like compliments. If you focus too much on her looks, by repeatedly complimenting her at first, it can come off as either desperation or creepiness. Telling her one time that she has “beautiful eyes” is great, but then also telling her that she’s “gorgeous” and then “so pretty I can’t take my eyes off you” and so forth is TOO much.

And stay away from cheesy pick-up lines. They’re only funny on a meme. In real life, they’re just lame. It’s always more attractive for a guy to be himself instead of trying too hard to be funny or charming.

Last, but not least, don’t make the mistake a lot of other guys make by asking her personal questions without even introducing yourself first. Guys who approached me by asking “What’s your name?” or “How old are you?” were such a turn-off to me. It’s so rude to not begin by introducing yourself. You will get further if you start with “Hi, I’m William” and she will likely tell you her name in response 😉

Good luck!

Boyfriend Material meme

 

 

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3 thoughts on “He Wants To Know How To Talk To Girls

  1. William says:

    Thanks for answering Liz

    Liked by 1 person

  2. crowrath says:

    I posted this on Twitter, and you asked me to elaborate here.

    My tweet, in reply to this article, was: “@liz_lapoint great advice! How does one get over the ‘not being able to “speak” to an ‘intrest’ ‘ part is my question…”

    What I meant was, I can talk to women fine as long as it’s ‘small talk’, but if it gets to the point of ‘Hey, want to grab a coffee?’ The words, 99% of the time, won’t come out of my mouth. Basically, I have to be too comfortable with someone, and that brings up the whole other point of being ‘friend-zoned’. And mentally past the point of, imo, a romantic relationship.

    I also have an issue picking up any clues that a woman might be interested in me, so there’s that also…

    So I feel for the OP, but I personally don’t think you hit the nail on the head with this one. Still, good overall advice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You just have to take the risk and go for it! I know it sounds easier said than done, but if you’re groovin’ on her vibe and you ask her out before parting ways but she gives you some excuse like “I have a boyfriend” or something, you have to see her “No, thank you” as preventing you from being in the dreaded Friend Zone. Have you ever heard the saying that a rejection is really just pointing you in the direction of where you truly belong? In other words, rejections are a positive thing because they keep you from wasting your time with the wrong person.

      Liked by 1 person

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