Itachi310 wrote: “Hey Liz, I just came across your channel and you have a lot of useful advice I can use daily, especially in relationships. I wanted to know if you ever touched on the topic of some men still being a virgin past a certain age like 19-20 (there are A LOT who are afraid to admit it). I’m 23 and I’m one at the moment. I have had healthy past relationships with different girls and a great social life (guess I’m too “traditional”).
What I feel my issue is has always been about leading up to or being the one initiating sex after, say, 3 months together (fear of being judged but I DO WANT a healthy sex life.) My friends are mostly single and always tell me who they hooked up with and how many times and how it’s soooo easy to get some. They know I’m a virgin and have asked me WHAT AM I WAITING FOR!!?! because life is too short and all that.
Now I must mention that I never had a problem with meeting girls or just people in general because I guess I’ve always been weird/different in a cool way to some extent and don’t have to try as hard to socialize (not bragging). I saw your video on escorts and honestly thought of using one because I feel pressured in some ways, but decided not to. I have heard some girls say they DON’T want a virgin for a partner but rather a MAN who has experience “and know what he’s doing”. On the other hand many have said they LOVED the idea or it’s not a big issue to be ashamed of because it’s cute to them to have “someone pure”??? I guess my point is..WHAT DO FEMALES EXPECT FROM MEN WHEN IT COMES TO AGREEING TO HAVE SEX AFTER DATING SO LONG. PLEASE RESPOND and let me know what you think, thanks!”
Liz says: As you already know, it depends on the female!
You don’t need an escort. What you need is to develop a strong connection with a woman you’re dating and sex usually just falls into place. It will naturally occur when you’re with someone who’s into you and the passion for each other is consummated. If it doesn’t begin naturally (as in not awkwardly and uncomfortably) then either you’re not right for each other or you’re putting too much value/emphasis on your inexperience (getting too nervous and letting your inexperience inhibit you).
Being a virgin in your 20s could mean plenty of things or it could simply mean you’re pickier than everyone else about who you hook up with. Look at it this way: you haven’t had to spend any mental and emotional energy worrying about the things all your friends do, like unplanned pregnancies, morning-after pills, and sexually-transmitted infections.
Just be upfront about your V Card when dating and dump anyone who acts like you’re weird. You say you fear being judged, and that’s understandable, but you can choose to weed out those girls and only spend time with someone who finds it endearing and sexy, and wants to teach you some things 😉
You could lead with your virginal status dating online to attract women who are also virgins. There are dating websites that cater to virgins, but they appear to be more for people who are purposely saving themselves for religious reasons.
Just remember, there’s no magic line that once spoken to a chick will make her jump your bones, there’s no magical ambiance necessary or mood lighting necessary, and there’s no special skill that women expect a man to possess. When two people are romantically attracted to each other, sexual activity usually occurs pretty naturally, no special pick-up lines/pills/alcohol/music necessary. All you need is consent. The rest will sort itself out when you both open up about your desires, fantasies, and turn-offs.
So stop worrying 🙂