Anon wrote: “Hey Liz, I saw your YouTube video about ball busting fetishes and I wanted to weigh in and seek advice on the topic. I don’t know what it is. I stumbled upon ball busting on the Internet and ever since then I’ve been obsessed or just intrigued by the act. I have once done it with someone I dated and while exciting and fun I didn’t love the girl. I feel like for the most part I could never share this with someone I love and loves me. And it worries me. Maybe I’m embarrassed? Afraid of an instant break up. I’ve done ball busting with girls that are just friends. Maybe I have an addiction problem? I have over the past couple of months had bouts of severe depression, but it makes me happy. I even have a set of ways I like it to be done and I feel like because of this I don’t crave other normal romance anymore or even conventional intercourse. What should I do?”
Liz says: For your letter, Anon, I consulted psychotherapist Rob Peach who gave this insight: “It sounds to me like your viewer is experiencing an erotic conflict, meaning there is a discrepancy between what he finds erotic and what he sees as a healthy sexual and intimate relationship and, as a result, isolates himself and avoids intimacy due to fearing judgement or rejection from potential partners. I just wrote a couple of blog posts about this exact thing, so maybe you and he can check them out.”
It doesn’t sound to me like you have an addiction, but here is a checklist that can help you determine if you do: Sex Addicts Anonymous Self-Assessment
Several studies link depression with high-risk sexual behaviors, however the direction of causality has yet to be made clear. In other words, do depressed people engage in risky sex or do risky sexual activities cause depression? I suspect it depends on the individual and their specific circumstances.
You asked what you should do, and reaching out to me (or anyone unbiased and non-judgmental) was the first step so yay for that! And seeing a licensed sex-positive therapist in person can help you too. Things can change for the better, so don’t give up hope, whatever you do!