Charles wrote: “My wife, despite us both only being in our early twenties, has a pretty low sex drive. We get along well and communicate well but we aren’t always on the same page sexually, so I masturbate pretty frequently, usually 4-5 times a week. I always do it in private, but I’m curious how she would react if I did it openly (by this I mean in our bedroom, not in public lol). I really like the idea of her watching or knowing I’m doing it. Do you think that most women would find this offensive, disrespectful, or a turn-off if their partner did this? I also like to anally stimulate myself while I do it. Do you think that would be unwise to share as well? Best regards.”
Liz says: I think it’s a great idea that you want to include her, because some men masturbate alone because they prefer watching porn to being with their ladies. But not you! You’re hoping to rev things up and make it a mutually satisfying experience as a married couple. So props to you for that.
Most women probably only have an issue with their men masturbating if it’s clearly in place of being with her. If he doesn’t show her much affection, treats her poorly, ogles other women, watches a lot of porn, and rarely initiates sex with her, she’ll understandably be hurt to find him jerking off (or if he’s that much of a douche, she might be relieved he’s leaving her alone!). But in a healthy coupling, occasional masturbation by both sexes is normal and isn’t a reflection of anything wrong.
The only way to find out if your wife will find it a turn-on or a turn-off is to open up to her about everything you told me. I don’t think it would be “unwise” to share with her where your erogenous zones are and begin that conversation because it can result in a happier, more fulfilling sex life for both of you! But if she leans more conservative and you’re concerned she will have misconceptions about straight men and anal sex, be blunt about clearing those up right off the bat.