The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

John wrote: “I am drawn to the lifestyle of a female-led relationship. Men who love their wives and work hard everyday so that their wives do not need to have jobs. When they come home from work, they cook and clean. Although they make the money and pay the bills, the excess money is controlled by the wife and her permission is needed before he goes and spends more than what she budgets for him. Lastly, he is faithful and devoted to her at all times, but it is agreed that she is free to pursue her sexuality, even if that involves dating or sleeping with other men. To me there is a level of happiness, both psychologically and sexually, obtained by putting your wife above yourself. To others, it looks like a life of double standards and taking abuse that makes you look weak. Any thoughts?”

Liz says: The relationship you’re describing is a cross between Financial Domination and Cuckolding, except in your case it’s your wife who is your Domme, not some chick on the internet. Many men like you settle into regular relationships but cheat on their partner by developing an online sub-Domme relationship, but that’s not what you want! You want your actual partner to be dominant.

Have you done some introspection to discover why you desire this type of relationship? Imagine the genders reversed, what would you think of a woman who wanted her man to treat her this way? Historically, this is exactly the life women were expected to live, so is there something about the role reversal that atones for how men used to treat women?

Whatever the genders involved, what you’re describing is eroticized abuse.

In typical S&M relationships, the sexual activities (the “eroticized abuse”) are just fantasies played out occasionally, and the participants often have healthy partnerships in everyday life. But what you want is round-the-clock abuse, and that is more concerning.

There is nothing healthy about wanting to be the child in a relationship. Being controlled, having to ask for money even though you’ve earned it, being okay with her dating/sleeping with others makes you the child in this and her the “mom”.

I believe for your desires to be healthy there needs to be balance. If female domination is a huge turn-on for you, partner up with a woman who has a dominant personality so that you can role-play on occasion. But living daily the way you describe above isn’t healthy and I can’t condone it. Just because you say it makes you happy, doesn’t mean it’s healthy. There are a hundred other things we could list that people would say makes them happy but are terrible for all sorts of reasons.

I’m not saying you should feel ashamed, just that you could do yourself a lot of good digging deeper into why an abusive relationship became an arousing desire for you.

female-domme

 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “He’s Drawn To Female Domination

  1. Hurtandconfused says:

    Do you have any resources for someone who feels a powerful sexual response to cuckolding images and text but desperately wants to get rid of the fetish? It’s a daily burden for me, wrecking my self esteem and making it impossible for me to trust anyone. I’ve been thinking about self harm because it seems like someone you’re stuck with.

    Like

    1. Please don’t hurt yourself! Contact a professional (someone like Rob Peach at http://www.sextherapytoronto.org) who has more experience with what you are going through

      Like

  2. Coyote from Orion says:

    Don’t feel drawn to the local community Liz even though I can access it as I wish. Lady I am starting to see is pretty cool with all that. Not vanilla. I don’t really subscribe to Freud entirely though. We get to a stage in life that whilst the sex wants to be good to be worthwhile there is a lot more going on around it. Plus many people of our generation have been through things often involving trauma. The connection with someone or someones needs to be completely honest. I could never get laid again if that were life’s design. I do however need connection, mental interaction and challenging from good souls. Support and care. I need to be able to look after people. It is in my personality and karma. I really appreciated your views on what is healthy in dominance and submission roles. You explained it well. I am sure many partners would not be enthusiastic about having all control. Sounds like another way of putting a glass ceiling above a woman and telling her its a promotion. Sex is often good though life is bigger. I enjoy being around some people more than others. The girlfriends I really love and would die for if it would help them are souls I simply like. Good people are not necessarily candidates for sex in all cases. Comes back to that ridiculous term ‘friend zone ‘. If we don’t actually like her we should leave her be etc…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Coyote from Orion says:

    Do you think it is necessary to join the local kink scene etc… to find this kind of relationship Liz or do you think it’s more important to find a person whom you really like and then see how the relationship manifests on its own expression?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a tough one…I have no personal experience with “kink scenes” online or IRL so IDK. My instinct says to find someone IRL with whom you’re very compatible and introduce your fantasies when you’re ready to. If you choose someone more open to experience, there’s a good chance they’ll at least try out your kinks. But meeting someone with the knowledge of shared kinks right away could be a great starting point to a deeper connection too. Let me know what you find out!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Coyote from Orion says:

        I am sort of going that way in life. Some time ago a friend gave me a book on PUA and as I looked at it and a few of the associated online communities I got to seeing that a lot of it is for people who don’t actually like let alone love the people they sleep with. A whole lot of developments have occurred since in life and these days I am back to what I found when I discovered LSD as a 16 year old and could see that in the male sporting environments I have always been at the high end of… most people objectify many of the most important things in their life. I have always probably had more girlfriends than I realize and when a lawyer friend (who I actually always thought was probably gay) started bitching about giving a girl her marching orders for friend zoning him… I said well she must have been smart for seeing what you are like because you obviously only were going to like her if she slept with you.
        Was thinking about your balanced view above and whilst I love intelligent interesting and beautiful women… it brings back to me how important it is to actually like the people we love. Sex is great… or should be but seriously there are people who have buried children and if they support each other it comes from a very deep place

        Like

  4. Coyote from Orion says:

    Drawn to intelligent women who have their own views and experience… a shame our society even needs to make a statement about it when it happens. It should be normal and part of every day life

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Stan says:

    I have always been drawn to Female Domination. With women so powerful, and in so many powerful positions these days, it’s even worse. And my torture is there isn’t a flirtatious or dominant molecule in my wife’s DNA. So as it turns out, I am very vulnerable to women who like to flirt, or tease, or dominate. I am loyal to my wife, but it’s a struggle because she won’t entertain any thoughts of dominating. We have spoken about it, but she just won’t lead or dominate, even though, as are most women, she is more qualified to lead the relationship. I wish and long for a Female-led Relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Stan says:

    Liz, I appreciate your wisdom so very much. I wish I as a man could understand men as well as you do. I have had a very frustrating marriage because I need a FLR with a dominant wife, and there isn’t a single dominant or flirtatious molecule in my wife’s DNA. We have approached the subject and she just isn’t open to being the leader/decision maker. Nor will she wear any seductive clothing or be flirtatious, let alone sexually-dominant. I am VERY frustrated because I am committed to this woman for life, have no intention of changing wives, but I am so vulnerable to other dominant women.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: