L wrote: “Is it ok and normal to masturbate and to look at porn? I tried doing no fap, the no masturbation movement and I usually fail after 20 straight days. It doesn’t effect my personal life. With this no fap movement and all these anti-porn sites I am not sure if porn and masturbation are ok and healthy in moderation anymore. I’d like to hear your insight, thanks.”
Liz says: Back in the late 1800s-early 1900s, there was a doctor named John Kellogg. He ran a sanitarium and he was a religious kook who believed that masturbation was bad. He forced all of his patients to eat a bland diet because he thought spicy, flavorful foods “excited” men into arousal. So he invented corn flakes cereal (is there anything more bland than corn flakes?) and ended up marketing it to everyone when he started his company because he wanted to expand his sexual abstinence “activism” to more than his patients. Click here to read more about this interesting bit of history.
Now we can look back on that and scoff at the absurd connections he made (undoubtedly without scientific evidence to support him). We know that eating delicious food has nothing to do with being horny, it’s simply human nature and it’s normal. And we also now understand that total abstinence is unrealistic, unnecessary, and can cause psychological and emotional strife.
One of the reasons people (besides Dr. Kellogg) used to discourage male masturbation is because they ignorantly believed that males only produced a limited amount of sperm, so if teens masturbated they might become infertile by the time they wanted to be dads. The difference between yesterday’s “no masturbation” kooks and today’s is that today’s No Fap proponents should know better.
No Fap fails because it’s not balanced and reasonable. What made you try No Fap? Was it societal or religious pressures? Stop listening to messages that make sex into an ugly, bad thing. Feeling aroused and wanting to masturbate are not signs of moral failure, character flaws, sin, or a bad upbringing. It’s normal, healthy human behavior.
And as far as watching porn is concerned: as long as you’re an adult, it’s balanced with healthy relationships, and it’s legal, you’re okay. Millions of healthy single people, married couples, and everyone in between watch it sometimes. Anti-porn crusaders don’t have science to back up their extreme beliefs. Click here and here to read what studies have to say on the topic.
The only thing I’d caution with watching porn is to not take it as a guide for sex in real life with a partner! Too many younger people mistakenly think what they see performed (and most of it is a performance) is an accurate representation of how it goes with a partner. Keep in mind that porn films illustrate a fantasy, not real life. Only actual experience with a real partner will teach you how to be a good in bed.