The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

D wrote: “My girlfriend (of 4 years) and I just had our first child, a daughter, in December. Life as first time parents has been stressful as we never quite saw eye-to-eye on most things (opposites attract, I guess).

Last night, my girlfriend brought the topic of nudity at home, raising a child up. This surprised me because I’ve struggled with where I stand and my conflicting opinions/comfort on the topic.

We agree that, when executed properly, parents who raise children in a body positive “naked house” (as I’ve heard them referred to by people who’ve grown up in them) CAN produce mature, realistic, well adjusted, healthy kids. We’re just not sure of our own or each other’s boundaries. She is also concerned with having to explain her parenting to her family, friends or our child’s peers/other parents down the road.

We DO agree on when enough is enough as at some point our child will become uncomfortable and crave privacy. But we either disagree or are unsure of everything else. To be clear, we were *fairly* nude-friendly people before the baby but I don’t think anything out of the ordinary.

So, my question is: Do you have any pointers for brand new, first time parents who are open to raising kids in a nude-friendly home but aren’t totally sure of how to get on the same page & go about it?”

Liz says: It’s unclear to me whether you are referring to raising her in a home where you both rarely wear clothing (a “naked house”) or a home in which the nudity is more incidental (she walks in to see you in the buff while showering, changing clothes, etc.) Either way, there’s no evidence that raising kids in a home in which non-sexual nudity is the norm is damaging to them. On the contrary, I think it allows them to develop healthy attitudes toward their own bodies, shows them what their bodies will look like later in life, and allows them to “study” the differences between males and females.

My hubby and I have a 5 year old son, and we both discussed our attitudes and expectations on this very subject, too. Neither of us have ever hidden our bodies in shame if our son wandered into the bathroom or bedroom while we emerged from the shower or got dressed. We believe that to yell at him or hide our bodies would teach him the wrong thing and perverts a natural, normal state. To yell at your kids or hide your body reveals an inability to recognize nudity as a non-sexual state, it sends the message that nudity is shameful and to look at your parents while nude is an inherently sexual act–which it is not. Plus, we have to see him nude while changing his clothes and bathing him, and when we had to potty-train him, so allowing him to see us nude makes things even for him.

However, we don’t walk around nude while cooking or cleaning or watching movies with him. But that’s only because we aren’t comfortable with that personally, not because we think there’s something wrong with it. Our rule is that we will stop being nonchalantly nude around him as soon as he expresses discomfort with it. It’s all about balance and mutual respect, in my opinion.

Don’t worry too much about this, it sounds like you both have a good head on your shoulders and will figure out what feels right for your family. Speaking of family, tell your girlfriend not to worry about “having to explain” to hers why your kids aren’t ashamed of their bodies.

For further reading, I found this expert’s 5 rules informative and reasonable: Is It Okay To Be Naked In Front Of Your Kids?

Great Parenting meme

4 thoughts on “Couple Unsure How To Handle Nudity Around Child

  1. Coyote from Orion says:

    Can relate. Have lived alone 15 years. Rescued a 10 week old cat 14 years ago. A lot of double standards over this time. Nudity is often the norm living alone except I wear a house around me. The cat wears fur… exceptionally well I might add she is a Leo. She will walk in to watch me pooh if I don’t close the door. If I do likewise… don’t go there. The cat is also dangerously antisocial when she chooses to be to all except me. I do not feel privileged. In fact I feel like I live with an unbearably cute Hannibal Lector.
    I guess the only difference to a long term committed relationship is that I still have no idea if I snore. I guess we never lie to each other either so in a sense we are naked there. Just yesterday for the first time in years I had a male workmate speak ill of my cat and me being single as though I think animal cruelty is funny or something. Like the cat I have not consumed a drop of booze or other poison over 14+ years and we both have our eyes open. I guess I did a lot of training in dojos naked too. Me and the don’t need money to do the right thing. Dharma. It is a strange society we live in. I have seen how many mainstream men and women treat intelligent and strong women. Most men need to control everything in their environment. Especially the women… lest they become naked. Probably will never have kids because of what was done to me. Like many people I have worked with and helped have said.. we will not become like those who destroyed us. This integrity has upset several in the system. Children and animals teach us. Our job is to protect them and fight for them with every fibre of goodness we have if necessary. If you are asking these questions and conscientious there’s every chance your kid isn’t stupid either.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL at the cat’s double standards hahaha! And agreed, our job is to fight to protect animals and children in all ways possible. I’m sorry to hear about “what was done” to you, but it sounds like you’re healing ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Coyote from Orion says:

        Everything is healing. Thanks for all your work and the spiritual path or karma you espouse

        Liked by 1 person

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