B. W. wrote: “So sometimes, idk why, but I just can’t be on bottom, I can’t stay hard. Same with getting oral…. it’s pissed off some girlfriends. I’ve concluded it’s a control issue that forms randomly. I’m 6’8 so I don’t exactly fit with all people. But say I’m in control… rock hard! Especially of she’s flexible to compensate for size difference. But the minute I lay on my back, I’d say 30% of the time I can’t stay hard for her to ride. Unless she’s very active and skilled lol, same with getting head. If I lay down I just can’t stay hard for more than a few minutes before I almost get bored and have to grab her or make her sit on my face… like I have to be doing something almost or I’m not into it. And it’s odd because it’s not always like that. And it’s not like that with everyone, but enough for some girlfriends to feel hurt, like they failed.”
Liz says: It sounds to me like you’re just not into being a passive or submissive partner. Even though you mention it’s difficult for you to stay aroused about 30% of the time, that it happens often enough at all that you wonder what’s going on tells me that you should probably stick to doing what you know keeps you turned on, and it sounds like being in control is what does it for you.
Is it possible that because you’re so tall you have some concern about coming off as too aggressive, so you compensate by trying to be more laid-back in the bedroom? I know that being taller than the average person can cause some to bend over backward in an attempt to make up for seeming more intimidating or imposing. You know, the opposite of the Napoleon Complex.
Since you know yourself better through these experiences, it’s up to you to communicate what you like and don’t like with your girlfriends, and hopefully prevent any disappointed or hurt feelings. If you prefer being on top, just say it! For a personal example, I think the “69” position is terribly overrated and does absolutely nothing for me, so when a past boyfriend suggested we do it I communicated exactly why I don’t like it (before sex, not during). If he had tried it out during sex, instead of killing the mood by blurting out “This is bullshit and does nothing for me”, I would’ve simply said, “I don’t enjoy 69 but I do enjoy this…” Or I would’ve silently changed positions and then told him later what I thought of it.
In summary, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, you just have to own what turns you on and stick with it!