Steven wrote: “I had long fantasized about trying anal play (myself on the recieving end). I broached the subject to my wife of five years and she was extremely against trying this. Not wanting to push her but having trouble shaking the urge to try this, I opted to try it out alone. I mistakenly left out the toy and Vaseline. Upon seeing this, she told me that it is bad enough that I masturbate but I shouldn’t be “shoving things in my ass”, and told me not to do this again. Is this a reasonable thing to ask??”
Liz says: I find it noteworthy that you say you “mistakenly” left out the toy and lube. We’re not talking about your kid finding them in the living room, we’re talking about your wife, who’s presumably an adult with whom you share your most intimate secrets and life. You should not have to hide something so normal and healthy from her; there’s nothing wrong with married people masturbating.
Telling you not to anally masturbate is crossing a line. Being married doesn’t mean your partner now owns your body. Is this something you do often in place of initiating affection and/or sex with her? Is she feeling neglected by you? Even if these are true it doesn’t justify her demands, but it does mean you two need to have a serious and honest discussion with each other about what you both want and what needs to change.