The Naked Advice

with Model & Writer Liz LaPoint

Christian wrote: “This is probably an atypical question. I am Argentinean male, engineer in my late 20s. I am working on finding the right person, but I am struggling a bit, because I tend to think the girls are a bit “turn off” by A) me not being American (came to USA at 19 years old), – I eventually did become one (US Citizen), but you know what I mean, B ) I tend to have a bit “tough” ~ rough attitude (as I been told) / goofy at times, which may not be the most “gentleman” aproach. It sounds worse than it is. I had American girlfriends throughout college and graduate school, but after being in the working force I had less luck, in part because I tend to go out less, or I am not around to such an extensive network, but I still think that there is something to A and B that are not optimizing the connection with the opposite sex.”

Liz says: I don’t want to generalize or stereotype men in other cultures, but I have heard (I cannot speak from personal experience) from women who have traveled to Europe and South America that men will aggressively hit on them everywhere. As an example, an old roommate of mine described visiting Italy with a female friend of hers and mentioned the men stared and hollered at them while walking down the street, standing too close to them when they approached to talk to the girls and not letting them go easily when they showed no interest.

This doesn’t mean I’m assuming this is the way you treat women. Everyone is different (hell, American men can be guilty of this kind of approach, too) but in case this is the way you hit on women, take it from me when I say we do find it a turn-off. Once again, everyone is different, but most American women want to be approached by men in a very natural, gentle way. We don’t want to feel like animals you have to chase down or objects to attain. It can be scary sometimes, too, if the man who hits on you stands too close or stares at you too much. All these behaviors can give the impression you are either desperate or creepy.

The best way to approach a woman is to simply relax, smile, and introduce yourself. Use humor, speak in a calm tone, show that you see her as an independent human being who deserves respectful behavior. And if you do the online dating thing, keep the same advice in mind when you first message a potential date. I’ve seen so many women complain about how aggressively sexual a man is when he first messages her online. It’s often a turn-off when a man is too overt too soon; subtlety is sexier.

Your English is pretty good, so I don’t think your original nationality is why a woman isn’t interested (because a language barrier is what I imagine would be the reason your nationality would affect their responses to you). And let’s face it, accents can be incredibly attractive.

Good luck!

ask-liz

 

5 thoughts on “Guy From South America Struggles To Date In the U.S.

  1. cbasile2 says:

    Thanks for all!! πŸ™‚ Yep, is the way of the world!

    Thanks for all your help, and time , and great resources!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Christian Basile says:

    thank you Liz! Def helped I will apply this new perspective. Have a great one, thanks!

    Thanks

    C

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for writing me!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. cbasile2 says:

    Thanks so much Liz that helped, my english is good( with accent of course), but sometimes I felt and heard– that woman are looking for someone as culturally close to them as possible(raised in America), so that is what I meant with point A, but yes, point B is more sensitive to enhance attraction, and I will try to be more mindful and calm as possible when approaching πŸ™‚ What you are saying about South American men approaching is 100 % correct. Thanks from your input and help !!!!

    I don’t like online dating because I do better in person, and I think that a picture and some writing is selling short.

    Thanks for all!

    C

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right, some people will only be open to dating people within their own culture because then they’re more likely to have more in common and understand each other.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: