Christian wrote: “This is probably an atypical question. I am Argentinean male, engineer in my late 20s. I am working on finding the right person, but I am struggling a bit, because I tend to think the girls are a bit “turn off” by A) me not being American (came to USA at 19 years old), – I eventually did become one (US Citizen), but you know what I mean, B ) I tend to have a bit “tough” ~ rough attitude (as I been told) / goofy at times, which may not be the most “gentleman” aproach. It sounds worse than it is. I had American girlfriends throughout college and graduate school, but after being in the working force I had less luck, in part because I tend to go out less, or I am not around to such an extensive network, but I still think that there is something to A and B that are not optimizing the connection with the opposite sex.”
Liz says: I don’t want to generalize or stereotype men in other cultures, but I have heard (I cannot speak from personal experience) from women who have traveled to Europe and South America that men will aggressively hit on them everywhere. As an example, an old roommate of mine described visiting Italy with a female friend of hers and mentioned the men stared and hollered at them while walking down the street, standing too close to them when they approached to talk to the girls and not letting them go easily when they showed no interest.
This doesn’t mean I’m assuming this is the way you treat women. Everyone is different (hell, American men can be guilty of this kind of approach, too) but in case this is the way you hit on women, take it from me when I say we do find it a turn-off. Once again, everyone is different, but most American women want to be approached by men in a very natural, gentle way. We don’t want to feel like animals you have to chase down or objects to attain. It can be scary sometimes, too, if the man who hits on you stands too close or stares at you too much. All these behaviors can give the impression you are either desperate or creepy.
The best way to approach a woman is to simply relax, smile, and introduce yourself. Use humor, speak in a calm tone, show that you see her as an independent human being who deserves respectful behavior. And if you do the online dating thing, keep the same advice in mind when you first message a potential date. I’ve seen so many women complain about how aggressively sexual a man is when he first messages her online. It’s often a turn-off when a man is too overt too soon; subtlety is sexier.
Your English is pretty good, so I don’t think your original nationality is why a woman isn’t interested (because a language barrier is what I imagine would be the reason your nationality would affect their responses to you). And let’s face it, accents can be incredibly attractive.