Steve wrote: “Hey Liz, at the risk of sounding prudish, I don’t understand how to dirty talk. During several lovemaking sessions my wife vaguely requested me to “talk dirty to her”. And I always have no clue what to say. I have tried things like (please excuse the vulgarity) “beg me to fuck your pussy”, or “how do you like that, bitch”, which seems to be what she was going for. Often she insists that I grunt or moan, but frankly both just make me feel ridiculous, even self conscious. It’s not like I’m not having a great time. Is it abnormal to prefer silent sex and just enjoy the intimacy?”
Liz says: No, you’re not abnormal and neither is she. You both just have different desires, different ways you want to experience sex.
I can relate to both of you, actually. I know what you mean about feeling ridiculous trying things that make your partner happy but make you feel silly. Anyone who watched my YouTube video on my experience dating a guy with multiple kinks and fetishes knows this. But I can relate to your wife too, because I’m also not crazy about “lovemaking”, that slow and “romantic” way of having sex. It just feels sappy and weird to me.
I’m betting what she’s asking for from you is simply more passion. She wants to feel like you can’t wait to have her. She wants you to be more dominant.
I’m guessing (by the fact that you refer to it as “lovemaking” and that you apologized beforehand for the “vulgarity”) that you have absorbed the message from society/parents/religion/etc that there are two types of women: the kind you have “fun” with and the kind you marry. A lot of men were raised to believe “good” girls don’t do certain things like have “dirty” sex. So then these boys grow up to marry the “good” girl and now they’re like, ‘I can’t do that with my wife!’
This is why men in the past regularly had a “proper, classy” wife at home to cook and be moms, and the prostitute/concubine/mistress that they could have all the “dirty” hot sex with. I’m not saying this doesn’t happen nowadays, just that it was more accepted by society as normal back then. Fortunately, society became enlightened (for the most part) and now we understand human sexuality better.
But if this applies to you, please know that enjoying sex and wanting to be “fucked” instead of made love to doesn’t mean she is immoral, and talking dirty to her doesn’t mean you’re disrespecting her (especially because she requested it). You two might need couple’s sex counseling to undo any sex myths or gender stereotypes you’ve absorbed that are inhibiting you.
If this doesn’t apply to you and you really just have more submissive tendencies or something like that, perhaps you two could come to an agreement that is mutually beneficial. For example, 1 night a week you could role-play in a way that brings out your more dominant side and helps you feel less ridiculous talking dirty to her. Have fun with it!