J.M. wrote: “I am a 21 yr old male virgin but I am not a ”typical” male virgin; I’m reasonably popular, don’t play video games, enjoy sports, and have a toned upper body.
Also, I’m not socially awkward, and I can talk to and hold conversations with girls whether I have a crush on them or not. However I am so innocent that I genuinely don’t know how to hit on girls or make any move with them.
Also, I am worried that if I WAS in such a situation with my crush I would not know what to do. What suggestions would you have?”
Liz says: Since when does playing video games have anything to do with a male’s sexual status? Plenty of sexually active single and married men have fun with video games in their spare time. Same goes for dudes who don’t play sports, hate exercise, and have a few close friends versus a stadium of acquaintances. In other words, there’s no such thing as a typical male virgin or non-virgin. There are many guys just like you!
You’re already ahead of the other guys who are still learning how to be socially savvy and hold their own in a conversation, you just need some pointers on how to move the casual talk to a private, romantic date.
Pay attention to your instincts and her body language. When you’re talking to her, does she seem distracted or in a hurry? Does she only answer your questions and doesn’t show interest in getting to know you? Does conversation feel forced or is there a natural flow? Does she smile and make eye contact with you? These are important things to notice before asking her out.
Let me start by saying what you shouldn’t say to your love interest. I, and every chick I’ve ever known, find it a huge turn-off when the guy suggests, “We should hang out sometime” or some other variation on what sounds like something you’d say to your bros. You “hang out” with friends, you date someone you’re physically attracted to. So for the love of all things good in this world, please ask her out by saying something like “I find you funny and beautiful; I’d love to take you out” or “Since we both love basketball, I would love to take you to the Lakers game”. When it’s right, it usually happens very naturally. There’s a rapport you both sense and seeing each other in a private context feels like the next step.
Good luck, J.M.!