The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

Phil wrote: “I accidently bumped into your YouTube channel today and I have to admit I really enjoyed the content. You’re a very open-minded, fun, and most importantly passionate person. I thought I could share my case.

Well, since I can remember I have daydreamed about being dominated by hot girls. I never truly accepted it though. I don’t like it on a logical or physiological level. I love dating girls and I feel so ashamed not being able to have normal sex with them. Never actually had sex despite being a cool man. I mean I had lots of chances, but I wouldn’t get hard enough. It was so painful, so heartbreaking that I eventualy stopped even trying. Sometimes I go out, I make out with some girl and come up with some shitty excuse why we should part company.

There were girls, however, I talked into dominating me and girls I paid for it. Turned out my penis could work 🙂 If it was only a foot fetish or light domination I could match it with vanilla sex somehow I guess, but I needed to be kicked all over my body, to be trampled, spit on, humiliated, and have my face under their heels begging for mercy. 6-7 weeks ago I decided I can’t live like that. I know that self-acceptance is important, but you could accept yourself and still wanna change, can’t you? I know it’s gonna be the hardest thing I ever done. God, I don’t know if it’s even possible, but I will do everything in my power to rewire my brain.

1. First thing I did I stopped watching porn. There are lots of nasty femdom vids out there and over time you need more and more to be turned on.
2. After some time I started to masturbate to pictures. They’re not moving, there’s no sound of kicked men and women who verbally humiliate him, so it was not easy for me but I eventually would cum just by thinking about it.
3. Now, when I’m letting loose and having an erection I try to focus my thoughts on something else. Well-shaped butts are quite appealing for me and could work. There are also some other things: something she could say, groaning, warmth of her body. I’m sooo happy cause it’s the first time I was able to cum while thinking about something other than femdom shit for a reaaaly long time.

I’m sure there’s still a long way ahead of me, but I really started to believe one day I will enjoy the beauty of love making 🙂 I’m curious what you think about it. Do you have any tips? Any recommendations?”

Liz says: First, thank you for watching my channel and the compliments! Now on to your interesting self-governed cognitive behavioral therapy sessions.

I reached out to psychotherapist Rob Peach (click here to visit his website) for his educated insights and here’s what he has to say:

“Your viewer is conflicted.  His value for a conventional sexual relationship is inconsistent with what he finds erotic and arousing, which is sex that is masochistic.

This conflict has led him to experience shame, practice avoidance of relationships and now, unfortunately, an attempt to ‘recondition’ his patterns of sexual arousal.

First of all, reconditioning does not work.  Full stop.  It may help men feel better for a short period of time, but ultimately does not change what any one individual finds arousing.  

Changing your mind about how you see your sexual self does work!  It helps to improve self esteem, confidence and the ability to perform with a partner AND it helps reduce shame and guilt.  

Acceptance means being able to allow two contradictory values to exist at the same time, without needing to change one.  That is, your viewer can accept that he is aroused by masochistic sex AND pursue healthy and rewarding sexual relationships that explore a whole range of sexual fantasies and activities (like well shaped butts).  This may require an open minded and non-judgmental partner (and, of course, for your viewer to stop making judgements against himself for finding this kind of sex arousing).”

It is generally accepted by experts that one cannot change what turns them on, just as we can’t change our sexual orientation (it is my opinion that conversion “therapy” for homosexuals should be outlawed). What needs to change is what usually leads someone to desire that change: feelings of shame and/or guilt.

Focus on acceptance, Phil, and learn to integrate your fantasies into real-life sexual satisfaction with a partner who’s naturally dominant (someone you won’t have to “talk into” making you grovel). She’s out there, you just have to find her!

Domme and sub silhouette

5 thoughts on “He’s Into FemDom But Attempting To Re-Wire His Mind

  1. Dan says:

    How can somehow make steps to protect themselves when their fetish or sexuality or what have you makes them give a huge amount of power to someone else? And how can you prevent light femdom or maledom from escalating into things you don’t want it to become? Like if he was into handcuffs, but didn’t want something like a forced orgasm or emotional pain.

    Like

    1. Honest communication is key, which means you have to be blunt about your limits and be sure to only engage in these activities with honest partners who will respect boundaries. There’s a difference between giving someone a “huge amount of power” and “all” your power. Set up boundaries and expect them to be respected.

      Like

  2. Coyote from Orion says:

    Love that you know when it’s appropriate to get qualified opinion. You are all class Liz.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Coyote from Orion says:

        You’re great. Best wishes for the rest of this week. Thanks again 🙂

        Like

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