The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

D wrote: “For almost 20 years, the taboo “family” fantasy has been the most *ahem* effective for me.

Whether alone or with almost every sexual partner, I’ve had the most degenerate incestuous thoughts, and they are what keep me aroused and push me to climax. Almost any combination of forbidden encounters among faceless, imaginary relatives pops into my mind.

When not aroused, I’m ashamed of myself and I am not interested in acting on these urges with any real people in my life. That, to me, is (thankfully) repulsive.

So, at what point do these thoughts and kinks become harmful? I feel like they already have because they creep into every sexual encounter I have. I don’t want to rely on them anymore… but it works. Can’t be helped?”

Liz says: Don’t worry, you’re pretty normal. It might be shocking to some, but finding taboo things sexually arousing in fantasy but being repulsed by the same things in real life is common. Many of us have no desire to act on some of the things we fantasize about while getting off.

You’re not hurting anyone, you have no interest in acting on these fantasies, and you have the conscience and decency to wonder if it could become harmful, so I’d say the only thing harmful right now is the shame you feel. I think it also speaks volumes that you fantasize about “faceless, imaginary relatives”, actually imagining your real relatives might mean something else entirely. Since your fantasies are separate from reality and you have no plans to meld the two, let go of any shame. If you wanted to bring your fantasies to life, that would be the way your “thoughts and kinks” could become harmful, especially if non-consent was involved.

If part of the reason you feel shame is because you believe you should only be fantasizing about your sex partner, let go of that too. It’s normal to imagine any number of sexual scenarios that don’t involve your partner, plus you don’t know what they’re thinking about either!

It’s also common for our fantasies and turn-ons to evolve over time, so at some point you might find that “kissing cousins” has become boring and instead you’ve replaced them with a “hot for teacher” fantasy!

No shame sign

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5 thoughts on “He’s Ashamed Of What Arouses Him

  1. Coyote from Orion says:

    Are they the best looking family members or is there some sort of psychological narrative going on?
    I am pretty sure that my cat fantasizes about one day when I will accidentally feed her twice.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Coyote from Orion says:

        Reminds me of the New Zealand jackaroos who laughed at the new guy who got the ugly sheep.
        I guess NZ are the global hillbillies. Here in Australia we call them Tasmanians. Is the US equivalent Wall St?

        Like

  2. Sean says:

    I have fantasies about being with another man when I masturbate. I think of touching him and both of us doing oral to get off. No intercourse. I just imagine these scenarios and in no time I explode with great pleasure.
    Would I like to go there in reality? Yes at times I would but am afraid of diseases and also how to find some to share the same with me. I do enjoy watching two men together in movies doing these to each other too.
    Please let me know what you think, normal or am I the rare male who fantizes about this.

    Like

    1. Yes, you’re normal! Now stop worrying about it. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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