The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

Anonymous wrote: “I am in a relationship of 2 years with the love of my life. Seriously, he is the best. However there is that one guy that I can’t get over. He is visiting for a few more days and we have hung out with a group of people because I honestly do not trust myself. He feels the same way and has expressed it. I would never cheat on my significant other and I feel guilty for the thoughts I have. I guess I just don’t know what to do.”

Liz says: You’re not with the love of your life. When you’ve finally found someone so wonderful and right for you, there’s no guy from your past you “can’t get over”, no one you need to be sure you only see within a friend group to keep yourself from flirting with or fucking, no one else who makes you feel confused about “what to do”.

In other words you’re probably young and in need of independent exploration, dating and discovering who you are and what you want in love and life. You say you “honestly do not trust myself” to be alone with the other guy, but then say you’d “never cheat”, which seems contradictory. I think what you mean is that you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend, and that’s good, but I think you’re probably too young to be in a long-term committed relationship. Your attraction to this other guy is a Red Flag you shouldn’t ignore.

Let me give you some personal insight. When I was in a 3-year relationship in my early twenties, I found myself attracted to someone else. It was a very strong attraction, and it made me evaluate my current relationship and realize what was missing. My boyfriend was a good man, but wasn’t right for me. I broke up with him and moved on. Now, I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, married for 6, and never once have I been attracted to someone else. When we met, it was the first time I felt a trusting closeness that nurtured a strong love to grow between us. It highlighted what had been missing from every single relationship I had before him. My husband is so wonderful and right for me, there’s never anyone that comes along to make me feel confused about “what to do”.

It’s time to do some deep thinking about whether it would be better for you in this phase of your life to be single. Someone can be “the best”, but not the best for you.

Also, you might want to read my article Why You Shouldn’t Get Married In Your 20s. While you haven’t mentioned wanting to get married, it explains why I think being in a long-term commitment is just a bad idea as a young adult, generally speaking.

sad girl on couch

 

 

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