Marc wrote: “I found you via your YouTube channel and thought I’d ask you something.
Apologies first, I’m not a native English speaker.
So my question is: I have several fetishes about my wife but some of them are only active when I am really, really, aroused and lusting after her. So in general I’m not captivated by my fetishes for her and we have plenty of normal sex, but I was wondering if you could tell me why those specific fetishes are only active when I am really horny.”
Liz says: It sounds like you’re confusing fetishes with fantasies. Having a sexual fetish means being sexually aroused by inanimate objects, non-sexual body parts, or situations that need to either be present or fantasized about in order to enjoy sex and climax. You mention having “plenty of normal sex” with your wife, how you only think of these “fetishes” when you’re very aroused, and you even specify that you’re not “captivated by” your “fetishes for her”, so those are clues that these are not sexual fetishes you have.
What you’re describing sounds like what most of us experience: certain sexual fantasies pop into our heads when we’re turned on and with our partners. In other words, you’re typical and the reason those fantasies are only active when you’re really horny is because that’s the only time we usually employ our fantasies!
I suggest you tell your wife some of your fantasies while you two are being intimate. That could heighten arousal for both of you and create a bonding experience.
**Watch my video Kinks, Fetishes, & Paraphilias to understand the differences between those terms.