LW wrote: “So my case is pretty complex right now. I love being dominated by a woman in many ways. My wife, though, is not into that at all. She tries a lot, but she is just not into it and it shows. The problem is I don’t think I can live without my fantasies and I don’t feel it’s working really well with her “trying” to dominate me. I’m starting to wonder if there is a way out of this.
What makes it complex is the fact that our relationship is perfect on any other aspect of our life. What is your opinion on that?”
Liz says: You say that you don’t think you can live without your fantasies, but what you haven’t said is whether you think you can live without your wife.
It would be one thing if you hadn’t told her what you like or she hadn’t tried playing that role with you, but both of those have happened and it’s not working for you. Have you asked her how she feels? Has she expressed a desire to stop pretending to be the whip-cracker? Did she sign up to have a submissive husband when she married you?
If you feel deprived being married to a woman who doesn’t enjoy treating you as beneath her, to the point that you would want to either cheat on her with paid dominatrices or get a divorce, then I think you two are a mismatch. Sexual incompatibilities lead to frustrated, unhappy couples who either cheat on each other or regularly fight about their needs not being met. And if one partner does their best to make the other happy at the expense of their own needs, they end up resentful of their partner. This is why it’s crucial for sexual compatibility to be assessed before marriage.
But if you decide that it’s more important to you to remain married to a partner who’s “perfect on every other aspect”, then I suggest you learn how to appreciate a woman who treats you as an equal in real life and use your fantasies in your mind during sex, imagining what you want to without expecting her to role-play. You don’t have to “live without your fantasies”, but you might have to live without seeing them acted out in real life if you want to stay married. You have to decide what makes you happier.