Brian wrote: “I came across your You tube channel and decided to write you after seeing some of your videos on different sexual fetishes. My fetish is being threatened with castration, or more accurately, with having my penis cut off. Please understand that I do not actually want to lose my penis, but the threat and risk of it is what arouses me. Best way I can describe it is that if I knew for certain a woman was going to castrate me, I would not let her. But taking the risk it could happen is something I would willingly do. Either by her making a mistake or her deciding she wants to do it for real regardless of what I wanted. In fact, the unwillingness is part of the fantasy. Whether the “scene” was for revenge, interrogation or just a woman who got off on castrating men it would always be “unwilling”. That, or a game of chance scenario. Strip poker where the stakes go up once the man is naked. The three main methods I fantasize about are knife, shears/scissors or her biting it off. I have found it very difficult to find women who are into this even on a site like Fetlife. It seems far more men than women fantasize about this. I would like to know your thoughts on this fetish and how you think I would best be able to broach the topic with someone since this fetish is admittedly on the extreme end of BDSM. Thank you.”
Liz says: Sigmund Freud and Freudian psychoanalysts have had a lot to say about Castration Anxiety, a belief that small boys develop a fear of castration when they see their mothers don’t have a penis (and because they think all people have a penis, their mother’s penis must’ve been removed and they might do that to him, too!) Many of Freud’s psychoanalytic theories are cherished and others are dismissed by modern academics and professionals as misogynistic or preposterous. But let’s apply this theory to your fetish and see where it takes us…
According to this theory the child’s castration anxiety is eased by his relationship with his father, but if his father is absent his anxiety continues, subconsciously affecting him and his relationships with females. Was your father around when you were growing up? If there’s any truth to this theory, is it possible your castration anxiety became sexually arousing to you later in life?
Perhaps this theory is all bunk and there’s something else at play, something simpler. You have extremely masochistic leanings that are only satisfied by imagining the worst thing a dominant woman could do to you: removing the physical symbol of your manhood, your strength, your vitality, your power. It arouses you that a woman could bring you to your knees by taking away your source of sexual pleasure. And to go a little deeper, it arouses you because the thought of being a woman frightens you. Women are treated all over the world like disposable beings unworthy of respect and autonomy, and a woman threatening to commit an act that makes you like a female is the ultimate revenge.
My guess is that you don’t feel powerless in real life, because we tend to fantasize about things that help us “escape” what regular life provides. Perhaps this fantasy does it for you because in real life you’re the one in control, respected, and admired? This would explain why your unwillingness in your fantasies plays a big role.
I can certainly see why it’s been difficult for you to find a woman who would be into playing this role. I’ve seen professional Dommes who make clips for sale catering to this fantasy, but if you’re looking for a serious relationship with a woman willing to pretend to be Lorena Bobbitt, that’s going to be trickier. If you try online dating websites, I suggest you specify that you’re looking for a woman with a “strong personality” and who enjoys being dominant in the bedroom. Your chances of finding a woman who will eagerly have fun with your fantasy once things get serious will be better than if you only search for a woman specifically into the castration scenario on sites like FetLife. In other words, there could be dominant women out there who just haven’t tried this yet so they haven’t discovered that they’d find it a turn-on!