Sean wrote: “Hi Liz. I loved your videos. My love for feet has mostly been on tickling them. I had a cousin who babysat me when I was a kid and when she was barefoot I would tickle her feet. Also a lot of cartoons I watched had some episodes that featured feet tickling in it. I met with a girl once and gathered the nerve to tell her I thought a girl with ticklish feet was cute. She called me a freak for it. I don’t talk to my family about it and I only told two friends about it but not the ones that I spend most time with. I’m slowly starting to accept it but the problem is that I’m single, not dating anyone and going to clubs where I pay to tickle girl’s feet has gotten costly and feels hollow, like I would rather have the real thing. What advice would you give for somebody like me who is in his mid 30s, single, and doesn’t really know how to indulge or control that urge?”
Liz says: You sound like most unmarried adults who reach a point in their lives when they realize they’re ready for a long-term commitment. Just substitute “sleeping around feels hollow” for what you wrote about paying girls to tickle their feet.
You should accept that some people are going to label you a “freak” for what turns you on, I say you should own it like a boss. Next time it happens smile, take it like a compliment, and say something along the lines of “I’m relieved you don’t think I’m boring.” Keep in mind that anything that goes against the norm will make you a freak in the eyes of mainstream average people. I had a friend once call me a freak for being vegan and an atheist, and I wasn’t surprised because she had always been more of a conformist. Anyway, the point is don’t allow others to shame you about something they don’t understand and isn’t shameful.
I’m glad you don’t talk to your family about it, why would you? You’re an adult, your sex life is your private business. But you’re not alone in mentioning this. For some reason, a lot of men with sexual fetishes or other atypical desires will ask me if or how they should tell their family about their fetish/kink. Part of being a healthy autonomous adult is putting up that boundary with family. Your sex life is none of their business! There is no reason they need to know if you like crossdressing, prefer oral sex to vaginal intercourse, or have a thing for large-breasted redheads.
What do you mean when you write that you don’t know how to “indulge or control that urge”? I suspect what you mean is that you don’t know how to incorporate your fetish into a real relationship. A lot of men like you falsely believe it’s either/or; you either indulge your fetish with a prostitute or dominatrix, or live without it in a “vanilla” relationship. I’m here to tell you that you CAN have both.
What you can do is focus on finding a compatible partner, someone who is a sexually open-minded and also everything else that is important to you. Don’t lead with your fetish, disclose it when the timing is right (after things are getting serious). The right one won’t dismiss you as weird, she will be intrigued and want to explore it with you. She’s out there, so keep looking!
**On a side note, have you read my recent blog post For Tickle Fetishists and Fans of S&M?
Thumbnail for my YouTube video on tickle fetishes, click here to watch!