The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

You’ve probably noticed a lot of women have tweeted and written as their Facebook status “Me too”, a collective awareness campaign to show people how common it is to be the victim of sexual assault or harassment. Sparked by the Harvey Weinstein allegations by too many women to count now, the national conversation on what constitutes sexual harassment, assault, and how to prevent it all has had famous people and the rest of us speaking out on everything from how women dress (so tired, that one) to the so-called Billy Graham Rule.

To those who don’t know, Christian Evangelicals (and some other religions) preach unmarried men and women should never be in a room alone together, no matter if you’re work colleagues or doctor and patient. This was made more known when Mike Pence made reference to following this rule, and once again it’s creeped into a discussion on whether or not it’s a reasonable stance to take in opposite sex relations. I think it’s one thing for a male doctor to take precautions against false claims by having a female nurse in the room with him and his patients, it’s another for everyone to live their entire life trying to avoid looking unfaithful to others or being “tempted”; the Billy Graham rule sees men as inherently wild animals who can’t control themselves, as if the inclination to assault is the norm. The rule insults good, thinking men.

Not to mention, segregation (by sex or race) doesn’t do anything to foster a progressive, healthy, peaceful society. It is no coincidence the cultures most segregated by sex are the least peaceful. How can men and women learn to understand each other, learn from each other, and respect each other if a culture maintains an in-group bias by gender, and females are continually viewed as either potential sexual objects or chaste mother figures? Women can’t be equal if what prevents them from getting promoted at work is the knowledge that the new VP would need to work closely side-by-side with the male president.

Some figures are asserting Harvey Weinstein could have avoided the mess he’s in right now if he’d followed the Billy Graham Rule. That’s nonsense; it implies that the women are lying or that he didn’t really want to abuse his power this way, he simply found himself tempted by these Jezebels and gave in because he’s a man, after all. Bullshit. Just fucking bullshit.

I can’t join the thousands of women who are sharing their stories of sexual harassment or assault by writing “Me too”. I’ve never been raped, sexually abused, or assaulted. I have, however, experienced very mild forms of harassment that belong in such a gray area as to have been so benign that to include them would be an insult to women who’ve suffered the real deal. Plus, I also think sharing those benign experiences would only serve to lessen the impact of the overall message.

Some are focusing this conversation on Hollywood’s notoriously misogynistic culture that has covered up for men like Harvey Weinstein, a studio executive who co-founded Miramax, since the beginning. I’m not, it’s a culture that permeates all industries because it’s our society that raises these boys to become men who abuse their power and don’t know the difference between normal flirtation and sexual harassment (or don’t care). If we maintain a focus on Hollywood, it only serves to send the message to the rest of America that a permissive attitude toward sexual harassment is something that mostly affects the entertainment industry, “over there, far way from us”.

These men aren’t “sex addicts” (which is considered a non-thing by most experts), they’re narcissists or men who’ve developed maladaptive ways of handling female rejection (please don’t mistake that for me implying they deserve pity). I think “I’m a sex addict” has become the go-to bullshit excuse in an attempt to garner sympathy and distance one’s self from responsibility.

I hope this national discussion enlightens those who might be unaware of how their behavior can be perceived and gives a voice to those who’ve been victimized.

For more information on this subject:

Flirting vs Sexual Harassment

Know Your Rights At Work: Workplace Sexual Harassment

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4 thoughts on “Me Too, The Billy Graham Rule, Harvey Weinstein, and “Sex Addiction”

  1. RedSportsCar says:

    Perfectly said. I don’t see many people ever buying this whole ‘sex addiction’ excuse, which is such a transparent and grasping attempt to evade personal responsibility and civilized behavior. When you listen to the passion and intelligence that someone like an Angelina Jolie brings to her film projects, the thought that she couldn’t be seen as a capable equal by executives like this, is really sad. There is a big difference between appreciating a woman for her beauty, and limiting a woman because of her beauty.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Joe green says:

    Very well said.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Coyote from Orion says:

    Pretty much agree on all. My experiences in the mental health system might be the only story I never write Liz. These power elites (boys clubs) are built on entitlement, and perversion. Most often they are. Publicly the 4th estate has them the good guys. There are women in boys clubs too now of course. Neptune in his ruler another 6 years sees a bit more to play out here. These people will cut off their noses to spite their faces economically. A shame guys like Weinstein who were at the schools that my mates and I dropped out of or stayed only due to scholarships, didn’t actually read, enjoy, and attend more Shakespeare.
    The problem was the female counterparts at the sister schools bullying genuinely intelligent women and keeping a Gucci Taliban looking nice. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

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