Patrick wrote: “I have always had fantasies of a MFM threesome with my wife. Can I really say I love my wife even if I can share her with another man?”
Liz says: That all depends on several factors.
Are you pressuring her to engage in sex acts with you and another man, even after she says she’s not interested?
Have you implied or outright said that if she doesn’t fulfill this fantasy you’ll leave her or cheat on her?
Do you show little interest in having sex with her on a regular basis, making her feel sexually inadequate?
Do you withhold physical affection, verbally abuse her, or anything else that shows how little you love and respect her?
A yes to any of the above would signify that you indeed do not love her, as none of the above are examples of loving behavior.
But if you both love and respect each other, living mostly as happy equals, and this is a sexual fantasy you’d love to try (or even she’d love to try) then no, it doesn’t mean you don’t love her. There are hundreds of happy couples who occasionally invite a 3rd sexual partner into their lives, and the experience doesn’t wreck their partnership. Simply being aroused at the sight (or thought) of your wife with another man doesn’t say anything about how much you love her, all of your behavior outside of that does.