Adam wrote: “Are dating preferences discriminatory or are people getting all butthurt over nothing?”
Liz says: I wish you had given me more to go with, like what inspired you to ask. Nonetheless, your letter made me initially LOL.
I would like to know who all these people are who get “all butthurt” about dating preferences. So far what I’ve witnessed are racists who get all butthurt about interracial couples, overweight people who get all butthurt about people who prefer dating slimmer people, and transgender people who claim it’s “transphobic” for cis people to not date someone who’s trans. Does that about cover it for you too?
There’s someone out there for everyone, no matter what their physical “flaw” is, so while I understand feeling discouraged and hurt when most potential partners say they prefer dating taller men if you’re 5’4″, there are people who will find your height attractive and love you, “flaws” and all. In other words, the healthy response to feeling rejected isn’t to criticize women for being attracted to taller men, it’s to own your height in your online dating profile and accept that we all have our preferences (for the record, tall women often have a hard time dating, too).
The only non-physical dating preference I’ve seen spark some controversy is choosing to only date people with a good credit score. To critics, asking your date what their credit score is or how much debt they have is treating love and marriage like a business, and to supporters it’s just smart not to go down that path in the first place if someone isn’t responsible with money. I believe you shouldn’t marry someone whose beliefs about money and how they treat money differ greatly from yours, because that’s a major incompatibility that can lead to marital discord. “I want to save for a down payment on a house and he can’t stop buying needless shit!” However, financial wisdom can be taught and learned, so excluding a potential great partner based on their first date disclosure that they’re still paying off $3k in credit card debt isn’t the best idea, either.
Bottom line, we’re just attracted to what we’re attracted to, and people have the right to date whomever they want to date without having to answer to nosy, judgmental people.