Mark wrote: “I’m worried a partner would want to have a hallpass or a threesome, and I’m not okay with that at all. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong or they need to be able to have better sex that I could provide or something. Am I doing something wrong if I’ll never consent to anyone else in the bedroom?”
Liz says: It says a lot about how modern society views sex and relationships when I start getting questions like this. Are we so pessimistic about love and commitment that we now assume that our partners will absolutely desire being with others, before the relationship even begins? And this belief that it’s normal to want a “hall pass”, thus there must be something wrong with you for not wanting an open relationship?
Look, everyone is different. There are happy polyamorous relationships, happy open marriages, and happy committed couples. If you want to be with someone who values total commitment as you do, then make that a priority when dating. There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting only one partner and wanting your partner to only want you.