Aaron wrote: “Hi Liz, happy to see you’re back. I have a girlfriend who is very willing to perform oral on me and does so nearly everyday. She even lets me cum anywhere I want (mouth, breasts, face, etc). Anyway she loves to play with my balls while she does it and it always makes me nervous since that is such a sensitive area. Is there any way I can get her to stop doing that part without offending her and not risk the frequency of the blowjobs? Or should I just shut up and be grateful to have a woman that’s so generous?”
Liz says: The only way to have the sex life you want with your partner is to be honest about what you like. That doesn’t mean you need to be bluntly rude about it, of course, but a simple direction when it happens is usually effective.
For example, instead of this: “OMG I can’t stand it when you touch my balls.”
Try this: “I love it more when you do ___.” Or even: “My balls are so sensitive that I enjoy it more when you don’t play with them, but I’ve noticed you do it often and I’ve been afraid to say something.”
A reasonable, healthy response to sexual feedback is to adjust accordingly. If your lover responds with derision, annoyance, defensiveness, or sulking behavior then that person is not mature enough for sex or a serious relationship.
A fun, healthy sex life requires both parties to be considerate of their partner’s needs, and there needs to be a give-and-take. Most often, our sex partners want to make us happy and want us to see them as great sex partners, so with polite but direct feedback they will happily change.