The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

Travis wrote: “Hi Liz! Do you have any advice for an adult virgin male on having sex for the first time? Also, should I tell the lady that I am a virgin beforehand?”

Liz says: How important is it to you that she knows it’s your first time?

A woman who just wants to get laid might change her mind about sleeping with you if she knows you’re a virgin because she might fear that you’ll get clingy and romanticize your first time. She will want to avoid feeling guilty being your first but not caring more about having a relationship with you. If you also don’t want more from her, then clearing that up right away will give her the peace of mind to enjoy the hook-up.

Some women won’t mind because they’ll enjoy “showing you the ropes”.

I don’t think most women would be upset to find out it was your first time after the fact. So it really is up to how comfortable you are sharing beforehand that you’re carrying the V card.

As far as tips for the first time go, I recommend letting things proceed naturally. Just go with your feelings and pay attention to her body language (and verbal language, of course) and usually both parties naturally sync up. Sometimes, when it’s the first time we stiffen up in response to our nervousness and that can make it awkward. But if you loosen up and relax, it will go more smoothly.

Speaking of loosening up, don’t use drugs or alcohol to relax. Alcohol and sex don’t usually mix well because alcohol can affect your erection, but more importantly if either of you are drinking then consent can be compromised. If she passes out during your encounter, walk away. This might seem like a no-brainer to you, but it’s worth mentioning because many guys will think it’s okay to proceed sexually and it isn’t okay, it is rape.

Also, being a good listener will get you far, because paying attention to her body language and verbal cues (“Slower…” or “That’s it, right there”, for example) shows you’re not a selfish guy. Caring about your partner’s pleasure as well as your own makes you a good lover. Ask her what she likes and doesn’t like, too, because if she tells you she hates her nipples being touched then you just put yourself miles ahead by preventing accidentally turning her off.

Good luck, Travis!

shy guy

2 thoughts on “Should He Tell Her He’s a Virgin Before They Have Sex?

  1. Hi Liz,

    I have always had a foot fetish since I was 5 years old. Never told anybody cause I was scared I’d push friends away. I saw your videos on YouTube when you were talking bout foot fetishes. I felt somewhat relieved that I wasn’t the only one with the problem. Thank you for your advice on feet. PS. Your feet are gorgeous! Send me pics?!

    Joshua Godfroy.

    Liked by 1 person

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