G.A. wrote: “Hi Liz, two years ago I told a girl I’ve known for five years that I liked her. She said that she sees me as a friend and she is not interested in me as I am for her. Since then, I had gotten over her and felt really free to hang out with other girls, which made her jealous. We decreased communication and it kind of boosted up my life again. Lately she’s talking to me again and even inviting me to hang out, but I’m trying not to act as that ‘friendzone-guy’ anymore. Honestly I still do not know what to do. Without her, my life boosted up but on the other hand I still have a feeling deep down there. Firstly, why would a girl get jealous over other girls while she should be happy for me as a ‘friend’? Second, what would you do in my position. Thank you very much!”
Liz says: The way I see it, there could be two reasons why she’s sending mixed messages. First, she could be actually developing feelings for you because of the Law of Contrast and Association, which asserts that someone will find you more attractive if they see you with other attractive people (more specifically she would find you more attractive when she sees you among attractive females). When you surround yourself as a single person with attractive people of the other sex, it increases your value as a mate (on a subconscious level). This isn’t true for everyone, but works for some people. She sees you with other girls and thinks ‘They must see something in him that’s sexy otherwise they wouldn’t date him/hang out with him’.
Or, she’s just jealous because she enjoyed your attention and your desire for her and seeing you move on makes her desire that attention from you again. In other words, she got a great ego boost from your crush on her and she would like to maintain that without actually being your girlfriend.
Whatever her reasons, she sounds toxic to me so I would suggest letting her go completely. You mentioned you became happier without her around so enjoy your new improved life without her. That’s what I would do!