The Naked Advice

Model & Writer Liz LaPoint answers your questions about dating, sex, and relationships

S wrote: “Hi Liz, I’ve been seeing a colleague of mine lately. She’s amazing, beautiful and very sweet. But once I saw her feet and it really turned me off. It kind of changed my thoughts about her. How should I act?”

Liz says: If something about someone is a big turn-off, you can’t force yourself to look past it. You can’t force yourself to be more attracted to someone by trying to focus on their positive attributes, and trying to change them isn’t healthy, either.

I find your question interesting. Instead of asking “Does this make me shallow?” or “I’m going to stop seeing her, how do I handle it since she’s also a work colleague?”, you asked a very vague “How should I act?”

You should act like a caring person and decide whether you see a future with her or not. If not, let her down gently, don’t ghost on her or do anything else that might create more animosity than necessary with a coworker. You can say she’s lovely but you’re not feeling the chemistry and leave it at that.

disgusted

 

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3 thoughts on “Her Feet Turned Him Off, Now What?

  1. Jeffrey S Maniff says:

    What about her feet was the turn off? Was it that they weren’t primped and aesthetic? If so, wouldn’t it be easier, if you liked this woman, to give her a gift certificate to a pedicure? Was it that her feet were like hatchet feet and just all over the place? Remember, you really don’t interact with her feet that often. I am a foot person and I feel similarly about people in the past like that but sometimes if you really like the person there are ways of manipulating them into possibly taking better care of her feet if she knows it would mean something to you. I do empathize as this would be a struggle for me but I would have to evaluate exactly what about her feet was so repulsive and could it be rectified to some degree of acceptability.

    jeff

    Like

    1. I wouldn’t recommend a gift card for a pedicure, for a few reasons. 1) You accept people for who they are, as they are, when you’re dating. Hoping to change someone is a common mistake that usually results in wasted time and frustration. 2) What does it say about someone who is that unaware of their body or hygiene? Why would you want to date someone who doesn’t take care of themselves? You should only want to date people who are ready for a relationship, and that means people who are responsible, mature, and hygienic. 3) Getting her a gift card for a pedicure will probably make her feel insecure and she will be hurt at the implication that her feet are unkempt. Imagine dating someone who bought you a book on “How to clean up your life”, for example. The implication could be hurtful. 4) You don’t manipulate your partner into being who you want them to be. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t find it important to take care of their feet and you find it a turn-off, you don’t try to manipulate them into changing, you accept them as they are and move on.

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      1. Jeffrey S Maniff says:

        I totally agree with your logic and if you go to my first reply you will see that I prefaced it with “If you REALLY like this person” then try alternative steps to overcome your own issues. It was a suggestion but finding out what about her feet was the issue is tantamount to finding a resolution if there can be one.
        You are also correct when you validate acceptance of people and signing off to the entire package. I’m sure there is some quirk about each of us that doesn’t sit well with someone else as No one is perfect. However, I used my own experience to reflect off of to come up with trying alternatives to issues. I was in a marriage for over 20 years (the relationship itself for 30) and there were many irritating things some physical and some not that really bothered me but I chose my battles so to speak and tried to overlook what I thought was shortcomings because I was honest enough with myself to possibly believe that maybe it was me who was being unreasonable! Anyway, I love your column and I appreciate you allowing me the opportunity to participate as I find it educational for me going forward. I am now in a dating world that is Sooooo different from what I remember and it seems like basics and fundamentals (Courtship) is a far gone cliche. I always enjoyed the romance but i’m finding that woman today know what they want and they are not going to waste any time achieving their objectives. Me, I am still too sensitive and managing the hurt from the betrayal and cheating from my own marriage that new relationships are difficult for me anyway.
        Thank you again and I truly enjoy your insight.

        Jeff

        Liked by 1 person

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