Megan wrote: “Hi Liz! I’d like to know what you think about public cross-dressing. If the crossdresser derives any sense of erotic excitement from being seen in public, does that throw up any ethical red flags? If the person is not exclusively motivated by sexual excitement but experiences some, does this mean they are involving others unwittingly in a fetish?
Though I’ve generally passed as a heteronormative guy, I’m quite bi-curious and I’ve long desired to feel girly and explore my feminine side.
I enjoy presenting feminine in public and going on girly outings like bra fittings and salon makeup appointments. The totally platonic interaction with women is really exciting in a wholesome way. Knowing they see me as one of the girls and hanging out without any sexual subtext is so refreshing! But I sometimes feel arousal, likely due to breaking taboos and feeling more fluid about my sexuality.
I hate to think that this makes what I’m doing unfair to others and I want a safe and healthy avenue to explore these interests. What do you think?”
Liz says: Does the employee actually fit you for a bra? Or do you ask for the measuring tape and go into a fitting room for privacy? I’m just curious how that works out!
Anyway, I don’t think what you’re enjoying is unfair or unethical. You’re not intentionally misleading anyone for the purpose of breaking their heart or sexually assaulting them. You’re not “unwittingly involving others in a fetish” that’s crossing illegal or unethical boundaries, like the guys who snap up-skirting videos of strangers in public. You’re just hanging out with friends and you happen to have a secret. Who cares? You be you.