Chad wrote: “Hey Liz, so there is something that I have no idea why but it’s bothering me way too much and it is extremely petty. My girlfriend decided to get a small tattoo of her cousin’s name (he just recently passed away this week). I know she is getting the tattoo for a good reason but I do not want her to get one. I know it sounds petty of me but I am getting mad at myself for not wanting her to get the tattoo. The more I think about her getting it the more upset I get, but then I have to realize it’s her body and her choice and it’s for a good reason and then I get even more upset at myself for not wanting her to get it. My frustration over this has gotten to the point where I am ignoring her calls and texts and now I’m asking for advice.”
Liz says: So let me get this straight: you’re upset with yourself for being petty so you’re punishing your girlfriend by ignoring her?
You mention you have “no idea why” you have a problem with it, but there is a reason. Nobody has an emotional response like this from nothing. Do you hate tattoos in general? Does it make you jealous that another person’s name will be on her body instead of yours? Are you concerned that you’ll be reminded of something tragic every time you look at that part of her body? Whatever the reasons are, you need to acknowledge them in order to move past it.
You said yourself it’s her body, her choice, and it’s “for a good reason” (which doesn’t really matter, nobody has to give you a good reason for adorning their body with whatever art they want), so you have reflected upon your feelings enough to recognize you just need to accept her decision. So do it! You have the power here to simply work through your feelings and accept you can’t control her decision in this.
Stop ignoring her, too. Just tell her how you feel about it, instead of avoiding the conversation. Then you both can work through it and move on. Being honest here is way better than this passive-aggressive nonsense you’re doing. Own how you feel and you’ll both feel better after talking it out.