Cody wrote: “I’m really into this girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks but I’ve got this one problem with her and I don’t know if I’m being selfish or not. She has 2 cats that she allows to sleep on her bed and I’m allergic to cats. When I first spent the night with her I woke up barely able to breathe so I asked her the next time I was over if she could keep the cats off the bed and she said they are her babies. She told me to take Benadryl. A friend said someone’s pets are a package deal so get used to it. Am I rude to ask her to keep her bed fur-free for me?”
Liz says: I don’t think it was rude for you to ask her to accommodate your allergy issue. On the contrary, I think she’s rude for expecting you to suffer. I think she’s sending a very clear message that you are not important to her.
Your request was a very simple answer to this problem. Not only is she refusing to be inconvenienced in any way for your health (and really, is it much of an inconvenience to keep a bedroom door shut?) but she expects you to take medicine (and deal with its side effects) because it’s your problem, right? This is not the behavior of a considerate person who sees a future with you.
I’m guessing that spending the night at your place and avoiding her place isn’t an option, otherwise that would be another simple solution. But even if you could do that, it doesn’t behoove you to ignore a Red Flag that she’s a selfish person who won’t consider your needs more important than Fluffy’s need to nap on her bed. I’m a cat lover, so I understand why she lets her cats nap on her bed, but I also understand that if she was into you she would prioritize your needs in this situation.
Waking up “barely able to breathe” is serious enough that if I were you, I would find someone who doesn’t have any cats.