K.S. wrote: “I’ve been seeing someone who’s super hot and funny but when we’re not fucking he’s so dumb that I feel ashamed for sleeping with him. I can’t talk to him without rolling my eyes at his ignorant beliefs. He thinks vaccinations are a government conspiracy, for starters, and he’s voting for the opposite politicians I’m going to vote for. But I’m still so attracted to him and I’m so confused at why. And worse, we’ve been together long enough that he complained he hasn’t met my friends but I’m embarrassed of him. I’m afraid he’ll say something crazy to my friends.”
Liz says: Dump him as soon as possible.
Being with him is causing your self-esteem to take a hit, hence the shame you feel. Why settle for someone you want to hide instead of show off? And when physical attraction is something you can’t even fully enjoy without negative feelings encroaching on it, what’s the point?
It’s more common than you might think for people to be in this situation. We hook up with someone based on knowing little about them except that you want to ride their face, and then as you do get to know them you realize they’re not your cup of chai tea.
Sometimes it’s true that “opposites attract”, but that doesn’t mean opposites last long. Studies show the more they have in common, the longer couples last and the happier they are. Of course! It’s exhausting being with someone you struggle to understand or relate to, and the fewer reasons to bicker, the better.
Break it off and distance yourself completely. This could end on a worse note if you continue the relationship. Plus, it’s not fair to him. He should be with someone who won’t want to hide him.