S.C wrote: “Hey Liz, hope you’re doing great. My wife and I have been married for 6 years (although we are relatively young, in our 20’s).
For the first few years, before lovemaking (we didn’t have sex before marriage ) we would “play around” a lot, foreplay, oral, etc, and she seemed to really love it and it helped her orgasm during the deed. But for the last couple of years she really hasn’t been interested, in giving or receiving. When we are in bed together, and I know we are going to be intimate, I will make motions to pleasure her and have even asked point blank if I can go down on her and she will respond with “no, let’s just do it”. I don’t know that it’s a problem, per se, I just kind of miss the intimacy that comes with warming up and enjoying her body beyond the “wham bam”, and I’m curious why she wouldn’t miss it too. Any thoughts?”
Liz says: Yes, my first thought is that you should ask your wife! When it’s a good time to have a serious discussion, be open and honest with her by telling her exactly what you tell me in this letter. Only she has the answers you’re looking for.
Since you were both inexperienced before you got married, there’s a good chance you’re both still learning what you enjoy sexually, even six years later. But it’s not uncommon (in young marriages especially) to have a sex life that ebbs and flows in frequency, activities, etc. Be patient with her and yourself. With honest communication things will change for the better.