CCD wrote: “There is this girl (let’s call her Amber) that I’ve been friends with for years now and she found out that I had a foot fetish while we were in Jr. high. Ever since then for the past 6-7 years she has been really cool about it and when we would hangout and do study sessions at her house (for our high school and now college exams) she would always ask me to massage her feet to help her relax. Apparently her mom (Michele) took notice of it and about 2 years ago when I would go over and wait for Amber to get home from her last class -which normally took about an hour an a half- Michele would take off her socks and walk around barefoot and would do her nails, only toes, by me and occasionally ask me to massage her feet. Also she would often stretch her arches and wiggle her toes once she would see me looking at them. About 9 months ago Michele started flirting with me while I’m over and has started texting me. As of 4 months ago when I’m at the house Michele she would walk around while only in her lingerie, and as of last month she walks around nude when I’m there and is always offering to have sex. I also found out that Amber wants to date me. I don’t wanna ruin our friendship and make things really weird. So I guess what I’m trying to ask is should I start a relationship with either of them? By the way I’m 19 Amber is 18 and Michele is 42.”
Liz says: I’m going to give a decidedly absolute answer to your question: no. Avoid your friend’s mom from now on, which means beginning a new routine that doesn’t include waiting around for “Amber” at her home. Her mom is bad news and there are clearly some personal issues there that drive her to compete with her teen daughter. No bueno.
I find it noteworthy that you don’t include any ownership in anything that’s going down. Your language shows a detachment from participating. For example, when “Michele” starting texting you and flirting, did you flirt back? When she “offers to have sex”, how do you respond? Have you had sex with her? When she asked you to massage her feet, did you? You also don’t include how you feel about either of them. Do you want to date Amber? Are you attracted to either of them?
If you want to maintain a positive friendship (that includes foot massages) with Amber then you need to completely disengage with her mother. That means no more flirting, texting, foot massages, hanging out alone with her at the house, etc. The chances are high that things will not end well in this scenario if you don’t make these changes.
One thought on “His Friend and Her Mom Both Want Him”
Liz, that is unabashedly excellent advice. I have been in that scenario and it will ONLY lead to losing a friendship, a potential relationship with someone your own age and a tremendous amount of bitterness and regret. Though it fills some “Mrs. Robinson” fantasy the end result is always the same and that is the only loser that comes out of this will be the guy. The mother and daughter will eventually end up either in counseling or sitting down and discussing their own issues and working them out and they will probably and weirdly end up stronger as a result. But there is nothing stopping this guy from politely explaining to the mother that his sites are more focused on her daughter and though he is flattered by her gestures he would prefer to stick to a more innocent rapport with her. It is also important to mention the potential problems that may arise should he decide to come clean and tell the daughter. This will also backfire as there will be overwhelming denial and he will end up looking like the bad guy and not the victim in this. However, I love how you responded as it would have been exactly as I would have and I was actually in the situation and learned the very hard way how NOT to react and that blood will always be thicker than water or reason for that matter.
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